Marriage vs. Pre Marriage what are the differences that matter & don’t matter. What are the things that stops and what begins? ?
I am single. I often wonder. Are there things single people and people in relationships who are not yet married do that does not matter once your married? Are we wasting our time in certain things? And what are those things? Now that you are married, and looking back to premarriage, what does matter in marriage that we should be focusing on and preparing for beforehand (if it is something that we can do or it applies only after marriage)?
I am single and almost 40. How is it different once you are married?
- FoofaLv 73 months ago
"Pre marriage" can mean anything from casual dating to longterm cohabiting where you're sharing bills and finances. Marriage without kids can feel like just a continuation of the latter if you're already basically functioning as spouses. It's really having children that takes any relationship, married or not, from a you-and-me situation to one where you have to put the romance aside and start functioning more as a team with shared goals and values.
- d jLv 63 months ago
Pre marriage: You're in love with an idea of love. Your lover is just perfect and you assume he/she will meet your expectations.
Post Marriage: Real work begins in order to love someone who didn't turn out to be the way you had assumed. After marriage is when you get the real person.
- MissALv 73 months ago
If a thing matters to you before you are married it is *not* going to stop mattering once you are married. The things your partner does that irk you now are going to still irk you, but you'll get the added fun of thinking "Jesus Christ I have to put up with this until one of us is dead."
Marry someone you'd like hanging out with even if you didn't want to have sex with them, that you'd want to have sex with even if you didn't like them, where you're basically on the same page as to what's going to happen in your life re:money/children/religion/activities, and where you're actually happy going *in*. That's the best you can hope for.
- n2mamaLv 73 months ago
I’ve been married for twenty years. One of the things that is difficult to adjust to, especially if you’ve been single for a long time, is considering another person and their opinions and schedule when you make plans or decisions. You used to be able to do kind of whatever you wanted to whenever suited you, that is no longer the case. Compromise is huge, and a grossly undervalued skill in relationships. Lots of people talk about it, few know how to actually do it.
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- martinLv 73 months ago
Picture yourself going from an individual into a half of Siamese twins. It's an exaggeration, but that's a little like marriage.