Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Pregnancy & ParentingPregnancy · 1 month ago

How do I get over this apprehension?

My current husband and I have a total of three girls from previous marriages. Inevitably I became a single parent due to tragedy, so my first year with my daughter was emotional and difficult to say the least.

Now that life has changed for the better, my current husband keeps hinting how he wants a boy to carry on his family name and how he has partially given up hope on the possibility of me wanting another. 

Has anyone else been afraid? I actually preferred having a boy the first time around, I think I am just afraid to go through the baby stage again. I love when kids are able to speak and interact, rather than crying babies.

Any thoughts are appreciated!

3 Answers

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  • 1 month ago

    Totally up to you, but if you have another girl is she going to grow up hearing she was a mistake? No one deserves that.

  • 1 month ago

    Work on your English skills love, then maybe someday someone might believe your tripe.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Here is the biggest issue - there is no guarantee that the first baby you have with him would be a boy.  Exactly how many times does he expect you to try for a baby boy.  If you get another girl - is he going to want another - and another - until you have a boy?  You really need to have that discussion before you talk about anything else.

    Next, you need to consider what you really want.  When your children are past that baby stage, it is sometimes rough to think about doing it again especially if it isn't really what YOU want.

    Honestly - the topic of more children should have been discussed before marriage ever happened.  Did he just suddenly bring this up without ever mentioning wanting another baby before getting married?  Or did he hint around but never pushed the topic?

    You absolutely need to do what is right for YOU based on how you feel about having another baby.  I do understand exactly how you feel about the baby stage of having children.  Some women LOVE the baby stage and are drawn to even stranger's babies.  Personally, I prefer the stage of about three years old and up.  

    The baby stage doesn't last long.  It feels like forever when you're getting up in the middle of the night to care for a crying baby - but it goes quickly and then they reach that wonderful stage of interacting and communicating.  And there is something special about experiencing things with a child when it is their first time seeing or doing something new.

    No one can help you decide if you should or should not have another baby.  We don't know your age - your health - your financial situation - your career goals - all of which need to be considered besides just your desire or lack of desire to have another baby.  You even need to consider how your other children will feel about a new sibling.  You already have a mixed family of his and yours.  Sometimes when you add that new child that belongs to both of you - the other children can feel unwanted or left out because they don't belong to both of you.  (they may feel like you love the new baby more than them)  

    Consider this - do you want another child.  Forget that they have a baby stage - do you want another child.  If you feel like you would like another child in addition to the three you have - then you make the choice.  If you can't see your home with another child - then don't have another baby.  If you can see your home with another child and you can picture a fourth child at dinner and a fourth child at Christmas and special events - and you can imagine that life would be good with that fourth child - then maybe you can do the baby stage again to get that family that you are imagining.  

    Just remember to remind your husband that there is a 50/50 chance of just getting another girl - and that you aren't going to keep popping out babies until he gets a boy.  

    Whatever you decide - good luck.    

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