Fascination with pain? (I'm okay)?
In high school, I struggled with self harm and suicidal thoughts for about two years (I'm twenty-two now). I've been in such a good mental space since moving away to college and living with my best friends. Although life has had its ups and down and nothing is perfect, sometimes I still think about hurting myself even when everything is okay. When I harmed myself, I never did it on my arms or where anyone could see when I dressed casually, but I'll find myself looking at and rubbing my wrists and think about hurting myself there.
These may just be impulsive thoughts, but I'm curious if anyone else ever feels the same. I don't want to do it and I'm mentally well, but in some moments I can imagine myself causing self-injury again. Maybe it's because I have a high pain tolerance and use to cope using pain?
I'm not entirely sure. I'm mostly just curious.
Edit: Thank you guys for the response. I am not a 'troll' lol. I haven't purposefully hurt myself in a long time, but I was curious about why I may be having these thoughts and if others are as well :) I appreciate your responses!
- LizLv 62 months agoFavorite Answer
I used to self harm too and haven’t in about 5 years. For 2 years your reaction to low mood was to self harm, so now even though your mood is good that is your brain’s automatic thought. I realized that my mood was affected greatly by stress and which usually led to self harm. So now that I am doing okay, my brain still uses that pathway from time to time: stress - self harm thoughts.
Our brains are able to overcome that. When I have those thoughts now, I tell my brain my brain no, I don’t want to self harm and then use a healthy coping skill - even when I don’t know why those thoughts come. (I almost always use the same skill - it will help your brain relearn sooner). After the thoughts are gone, then you can try see if there is a trigger or a pattern to these thoughts (time of day, activity, particular feelings, triggerS etc) and work on coping strategies ahead of time. (I do this with my therapist, but you can do it on your own).
I don’t know if the thoughts & impulses will ever truly go away, but you are stronger than them.
- Care411Lv 62 months ago
Hi, I can not tell if this is a troll or not. It is a pretty interesting question. I will give the longest and most informed answer I can. Something so long no troll would read it :)
Pain is the most raw, personal (individual) and intense sensation humans experience. It motivates, reminds, teaches, changes or enhances. It it "tribal" meaning it is raw/animalistic. Its well understood it is older than christ. The strongest "best" people we know typically are the ones who have suffered, survived & continued or 'maintained'. Pain shows us we are alive, we are humans and we need to learn to accept or endure, not quit. Usually the most successful business people are the ones who failed the hardest. Almost always the most successful are those who do not quit and keep pushing.
Here is a scientific perspective:
Pain enhances and activates our other emotions/sensations. It pushed us and demands us to accept the moment. We can break down and cry or push through it for ourselves or others. When we suffer or experience physical pain it removes masks - it shows the world and ourselves who we truly are. Think of the toughest and strongest person you can crying at a funeral. Society tells us that this is not ok. Fu*k that it is! Pain removes the tough shell and makes us human. It demands we reflect & respect. Behind every pain is beauty. Even gangsters will cry/have a human side. Experiencing this side is a drug to some, it is where they belong who cares why.
When we feel pain endorphins and other things are released from our brain (opium) if we allow ourselves to just experience it, this is a raw; alert; awake and alive state. There is no other way to find these type of feelings. Often we become numb don't feel anything - pain can remove that numbness and allow us to feel. It opens us up "without cracks how can the light get in". Meaning if a flower is put behind a brick wall and no light is allowed in it dies. Pain exposes for who we are opens us up (cracks) and allows the light to get in.
Because of neurobiology (brain structure/chemistry) there is a sexual/erotic side of pain too. It pushes us to let go and accept or enjoy what is going on. When we feel pain we are in the most awake, alert and alive state we can ever find. Its almost like an energy pulsing through us - nothing does what pain does.
It just feels good. Who cares why. I am tattooed from throat to toe. All of them hurt. But, I love the results. I endure and survive, I won't quit - I am human.
I do not love this article. But there is a very spiritual side of pain, not religious but spiritual: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-intell... . That is where a lot of my interest is.
It is a "body rush". It does help us push forward or forces us to face whats happening and deal with it. I work with women who have C-PTSD; PTSD, BPD, BD and other. They can give in and fail or push through - ya know?
I've been interested in it for a while (pain/spirituality/emotion). Your 'story' is not common or normal but that is ok. I have tattoos on my hands, head, throat that is not normal for most but it is for me. Accepting who you are and being ok with it is what matters. You are potentially a masochist. Most will never understand/accept that. Who cares - your life.
If you have any interesting stories how its helped, what you like about it or if anything here was accurate. It is always great to hear: Listenforyou@protonmail.com
- Pat WoodenLv 72 months ago
It's not uncommon for young people to become overwhelmed with life and contemplate self harm or suicide. However, they usually grow out of it once they are adults and have take on adult responsibilities.
I'm no psychiatrist, but I have learned that self harm is often a way of making internal pain external. (I'm overwhelmed and can't cry or scream, but I can cut myself). It can also be a form of self hatred.
You need to do some soul searching to find the true cause of your negative emotions. It would help to see a professional or to unload yourself on a person you can trust.