Anonymous asked in Society & CultureHolidaysRamadan · 2 months ago

Salam sisters and brothers (I'm facing a problem with my family)?

First of all, I'm not a troll

I actually use to be on this section a lot giving advice to people who need it, that was 6 years ago. I've actually been facing a problem of my own that I might need advice on. 

My parents are pushing for me to get married to my cousin. Yes I'm 26 years old and I've always been a good muslim and my parents were always proud of me until now. They say that I'm getting too old and they want me to be married by now. My cousin is a year younger than me and he asked for my hand in marriage. I keep saying no but my family are trying to push it. I'm not interested in getting married right now and I'm not interested in my cousin. I just want to be left alone to think. My parents are always pushing it and trying to force the marriage to happen without my consent. My dad came in and started threatening me. They've been getting abusive lately and I always want to run away but I dont want to make more problems. Things are getting more intense and I feel like my parents hate me now. I dont know what to do and I'm torn. I've been praying and I'm keeping Allah in my heart. I just want this to stop.

3 Answers

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    If my parents told me I should marry my cousin I would tell them I want to marry someone I love & have things in common with. I will marry when I am ready, I don’t care what you guys think, this is not 1920 its 2020. 26 is not very old, especially as many people are living up to 80,90,100 nowadays. You will be spending 40+ years with this person and what usually happens is that you will end up bored with each other. A lot of Muslims don’t realise how much responsibility marriage & children is. Ask your mum what she went through when she was married and why does she want that for you? If they keep continuing to pressure & be rude to you just threaten them that u will move out & not speak to them or if you do marry him then y will divorce him if you don’t grow to love him. That should keep their mouth shut. But you should seriously start saving, buy a house & move out.

    Tell them marrying your cousin is disgusting.  It’s like marrying your brother. Tell your cousin directly that you don’t love him, don’t have things in common with him & he should NOT marry his cousins. What a weirdo. 

    I know many people who married their cousins and their kids are disabled. Please DO NOT marry your cousin & don’t stress about marriage. If your a girl think about finding someone when you turn 28 (If u want kids) or otherwise wait until you hit 30.

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    How honest do you want me to be with you?

    Firstly, although it is a small point, when you offer Salaam you should say Asalaam as that A at the beginning makes a significant difference.

    Most Muslims on this section will be put off by the anonymous posting but, for argument's sake, let us assume that you are genuine.

    If you have been here for a while you will know that this section was destroyed by anonymous trolls, enemies of The Most High and enemies of Islam as well as, ultimately, enemies of their own selves. This is not a good place to seek advice in the first place because of that. However, my advice to you is first and foremost to be as strong as possible in your faith. Everything and anything will fall into place after that and if your house is in order you will be beyond reproach and covered in every and any eventuality even unto death itself. The most critical thing for any Muslim is to make absolutely sure that they die in a state of iman.

    This is a decision which is faced by a great number of Muslim women every year. If you are clear about what is written in the Qur'an you may argue the point with your parents on that basis alone. No other argument is permissible or acceptable. You do have a certain amount of choice in the matter. What you should not do, under any circumstances, is to seek the advice or opinion of non Muslims in such a serious matter. Should you accept their guidance this would put you in danger of being excluded from Islam itself and that would be a disaster way beyond an undesirable marriage. You will find the non believers to be utter hypocrites who will offer advice to you and yet say something completely contradictory to their own kind.

    We know that towards the end marriage itself will start to fail and this will be one of the signs of the end of the age.

    You may consider that getting married to a cousin is slightly gross. However, if you have the blessing of Allah (swt) in this matter, not only will that marriage actually work but you will receive an almost unimaginable reward for surrendering your will to Allah's (swt). Unless this man is an abusive hypocrite I would consider his offer very carefully. If he is a nice man and a good Muslim, the blessings to you and your family would be manifold.

    You are missing the point here, sister, this just might be your chance for redemption.

    May you find peace and happiness with this man, grow strong as a Muslim and have at least one wonderful child with him.

    Your choice.

    Btw I believe the truth of the matter is that our time is now so critically short that obeying the Sunnah will become more important than eating food and prayers will be of considerably more value than money.


    Incidentally, I consider that 27 is actually the perfect age for having children but this is only my own personal opinion and in consideration of the sort of life style that most Muslims have in the western world. 

  • 2 months ago

    By 26, you had time enough to think out your future and marital plans, your procrastination is making your parents impatient. If you can't think right for yourself, leave it to your parents to decide.

    Running away is no solution.

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