Jake asked in Pregnancy & ParentingParenting · 3 months ago

What's your stance on parent's reading their child's diary?

I've seen countless of children say they hate their parents for it and grew up to resent them or have trust issues and yada yada but what if a child was secretly dating a forty-five year old man, and gave him the address to the house and he came over while the parents were at work and the only evidence of it is her writing it in her diary and the child gets killed or sexually assaulted and you have to live with the regret, "If I would've just looked in her diary, maybe she'd still be alive today." also a lot of school shooters write in their diary the time date and plan of how they are going to kill students. If the parents suspected that the child had a problem but was "respecting their privacy" but not reading their diary, where do you draw the line. No child is going to come forward and tell their parents the bad stuff so ...

6 Answers

  • edward
    Lv 7
    3 months ago

    my parents have no boundaries.  if they think something is up they ask.  if the know something is up they ask and give you the opportunity to fess up before they accuse you and give proof.  they once trapped me in my bedroom because i was out at 3 AM and blew through a red light on an empty road past the speed limit.  if they didn't read my journal they would've found out much later when we got the ticket in the mail or never at all if i could grab the ticket first.

  • 3 months ago

    I think there are ways to build a relationship in which children talk to their parents about important things... or at the very least, have another trusted adult they can talk to. I don't believe in violating privacy, including reading someone else's diary. There are many other red flags that don't require violating whatever trust your child has in you to prevent tragedy. Many school shooters are actually adults who have returned for revenge against some perceived wrong... I don't think this is a valid reason. Changes in behavior and routine, preoccupation, isolation... all red flags that can and should be addressed by parents. But, no, parents should be working build healthy relationships with their children rather than sneaking around and then confronting them with evidence of wrongdoing. And, yes, I am a parent, I have a ten year old son who (at the moment) tells me the important things---- yes, even the bad things. He does so because he trusts me to help him with those things, I hope I can continue that as he gets older and I also try to make sure he knows where to go if he's uncomfortable talking to me about something (his uncles, counselor, etc). 

  • Nat
    Lv 4
    3 months ago

    Sure. Read the diary. 

    QUIETLY. They can literally NEVER KNOW you read it. If you find something alarming, find a way to intervene without them knowing you read it. 

  • 3 months ago

    A parent should only read a child's diary/journal if there are signs that the child's physical/mental health is deteriorating. Other than that, parents should be able to respect their privacy. 

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  • sarah
    Lv 5
    3 months ago

    My mom read my diary, and it ticked me off to no end...mostly because I wasn't doing anything wrong; it was just the typical angsty teenage girl stuff (I like this boy, he doesn't like me back, I'm so sad about it, this other girl is such a *****, I hate her, blah, blah, blah). I think it was just hard for her because I went from being a totally open book as a kid to a teenager who, of course, didn't want to tell her mommy everything anymore, because no one else was telling THEIR moms everything, and it was embarrassing to still be doing it when they weren't. She did apologize afterward and say that she shouldn't have done it...mainly because we were watching 'Dr. Phil' not long after it happened and he admonished a mom on the show for reading her daughter's diary, lol.

    I now have my own daughter, and even though she's only 15 months old right now, I do already think about stuff like this. I don't plan on reading her diary unless I start seeing evidence that something might be wrong -- slipping grades at school, behavior problems, sneaking out at night, etc. I will let her know that she can always come to me with problems and that we'll talk about them whenever she wants/needs to, but other than that, I will trust her to determine when she needs to write about it and when she needs to talk to me.

  • Anonymous
    3 months ago

    As a parent this is a very difficult question to answer and depends on individual perspective.  "From the cheap seats" it is easy to suggest a parent should always respect a child's privacy and not cross that boundary.  But when you are dealing with a moody teenager going through puberty who is obviously struggling and not willing to talk, the possibility of gaining insight under any circumstances is an awfully strong desire out of love and desire to protect them.  So there is no universal answer and is just one of many things kids won't understand until they mature and/or become parents themselves.

    FYI, we didn't read her diary.  And to be honest, only knew where it existed for a short period, thus weren't tempted long.

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