my son forgives me but my daughter does not. what should I do.?

About 7 years ago i left my kids in the care of my mother until I can get on my feet because I was very very poor at the time. along the way I had lost contact with my mother and kids and was not able to find them for several years. once a month I would cry because I couldn't be with the ones I had given birth too.

Finally on 11/03/2019 my mother got a hold of me on Facebook. and told me things were a mess. my children had been taken into CPS (under conditions I won't discuss.)

Finally one day my son (age 17) had gotten a hold of me and we have been talking ever since almost every night. (mostly The Isle) talking, laughing,and playing computer games together.

he forgave me for my absence and we are very close.

My daughter (age 13) is a different story...............😥 she refuses to even speak to me. she is very mad at me and feels I abandoned her. I tried to beg for forgiveness for my absence but she refuses to listen.

the CPS worker told me to give her her space and let her fume,do not push her to forgive, she will come around.

I find myself crying every time I think of the rejection from her.

I fear that she will never forgive me.

I hope that one day that she will forgive me for my absence.

16 Answers

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  • Ann
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    Newsflash, Tiffany--you DID abandon your children.  Being poor does not excuse a parent from being in constant contact with her children.  There's a lot more to this story than you're revealing.  Now, I'm assuming you're back "on your feet" (your term), since you have access to a computer and you're in contact with your son.  Hopefully you're employed and are mentally stable.  Therefore, something you could do, if you choose, to establish a contact point with your daughter, is to contact CPS and tell them you want to establish a child support fund for her until she's 18.  Have CPS set it up for you with the Family Court system, and manage it for you.  Pay into it every month.  That way, your daughter will know you at least are looking out for her welfare in some way.  She is not obligated to forgive you nor have any physical contact with you, because you are the one who rejected your responsibility as a parent.  You betrayed your children's trust, and left them with a person who evidently was no more responsible than yourself, if they were taken away by CPS.  Do you really believe that talking, laughing, and playing computer games on The Isle makes up for the years of abandonment and hurt that were inflicted on them?  If you have matured to the point that you can now hold a job and have a sense of responsibility toward your children, then show them that you're capable of being mature and that you owe them.  I don't know who has custody of your children now, but the family Court should manage the fund you set up if you choose to do that.  Don't have it sent directly to any individual.  It could be put in a trust fund.  It's not a way of trying to force your daughter to forgive you, because that is strictly up to her.  Your son is only 17, so you could also pay for him until he's 18. 

  • 2 months ago

    You left your kids with a relative then lost contact with them?

    How does that happen, I can’t even wrap my head around it.

    You left them in a situation where they were eventually take by CPS?

    If I were your daughter I would never forgive you.

  • Raja
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    A daughter is generally attached to the father .During her childhood father was not available to give her the required fatherly affection .Now she is a child of 13 years and you are almost a stranger .With maturity she will understand that you were away from them to make money and that you did not abandon them .Since you are in touch with your son let him explain to the sister the real reason why you were away.Hopefully she will understand the situation. 

  • 2 months ago

    Her feelings are legitimate - you did abandon her. 

    Own the decisions you made without making excuses. Be straightforward with her about your decisions. 

    Ultimately she may or may not forgive you. 

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  • Ocimom
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    You cannot force a person to forgive you nor can you force them to talk to you.  The only thing you can do is pray that one day she will find it in her heart to make contact and forgive.  Continue the relationship with your son.

  • drip
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    Your daughter feels you abandoned her. You did abandon her. Quit calling it an absence and call it what it is. 

    There is many ways you could of found them. It shouldn’t of taken several years. I wouldn’t buy that excuse. I don’t understand why you never stayed in touch, called them, saw them while they were at your mother’s. Is there more to this story than you being poor and out of work? 

    She was six when you left her, and her life has been a mess. Still is. 

    What are you doing to provide her a stable home? Can you? 

    You can’t beg her to forgive you. 

    Many times people feel forgiving someone of something bad means they are telling the person what you did was ok to do to me. A child may see it that way.

    Forgiving you so she can move on may happen at one point.  But that doesn’t mean she will trust you or want a relationship with you.

    Are you begging  her to forgive you to relieve you own scene of guilt.

    You need to start from scratch and build a relationship with your daughter. Be stable, have a job and a place to live. Be able to provide for her. 

  • Alan H
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    Many who are poor continue to keep their children.   You are fortunate to receive your son’s forgiveness.    But there is much rebuilding to do.

  • 2 months ago

    Sorry but in all honesty you did abandon your children.  7 years is a very long time in a child’s life.  People may have someone help them out a weekend, a week or even a month but anything after that is simply desertion.  Your daughter may never forgive you for the hurt you caused her.  I don’t understand why you could not have kept in regular contact or lost their address.  You do owe your daughter an explanation but even if your daughter comes to some sort of acceptance of the situation she may never truly trust you again.  

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    Sorry, but I'm not buying this.  Seven years before you could get on your feet?  Then you LOST CONTACT with your mother and children?  Obviously you felt no need to support them.  In seven years you could have obtained a college degree and become well employed if that had been your choice.

    Talking, laughing and playing games is NOT a relationship with a child.

    I disagree with the Social Worker.  She may NEVER come around.  She is still in the custody of CPS?  Why?

    My mother walked away from me and two siblings, abandoned us with an aunt.  She danced back into our lives almost 10 years later (similar story - talking, laughing, trying to bond over video games). I didn't need a mother for talking/laughing/video games. That's why I had friends.  I NEEDED her to be there for those ten years while she was "finding herself."

    You cried once a month?  I cried myself to sleep every night.

    Not buying it, not at all.

  • 2 months ago

    All you can do is what has been advised, enjoy rebuilding your relationship with your son, and let your daughter decide what she's comfortable with as time goes on. 

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