Is this emotional abuse ?

I only work 3 hours a day cleaning and only a little bit, my husband is a chef and works full time. I left him in charge of all finances but wish I hadn’t, I used to spend a lot so gave him my bank card so I couldn’t anymore, my choice. But now if ever I do want a little bit of money for a gift eg he seems annoyed and says we have to pay bills, he never used to be like that, I feel like I have to really explain what I need money for and if it’s for a birthday present for example I’d like to buy for someone I feel like he’d rather we get it together than me go out on my own and pick something. I know money is a bit tight at the moment but I’m starting to feel a bit like a kid asking for pennies here and there is this normal? Is he being abusive or genuinely looking after our finances? 


Only earn a little bit, I meant in the first sentence of the question

4 Answers

  • 3 weeks ago
    Favorite Answer

    everything in life is about give and take, and two sides of the story........and yadda yadda yadda............

    Is it right you have to beg?   NO. 

    But is money tight and are you struggling to pay bills?   Then he might have a point.  If he's feeling the pressure and the heat, and HIS salary isn't cutting it........your  little extra bit isn't helping  a great deal........then he may not want to hear that you are buying silly presents for everyone.........when he's looking at the 3rd   shut off notice for the lights.  

    If you are well off, and there's no problems........then YES, its a control issue and he's being a jerk. 

    Ya see?  It all depends on your financial situation.........and right now.......a lot of people are unemployed........especially chefs and restaurants that are folding and closing left and right, because of the covid virus. 

    Maybe he feels he will be OUT of a job soon, and then where will you be with your stack of birthday presents? 

    Sometimes life is harsh and you have to ready to deal with the realities of it. 

  • Tj
    Lv 7
    3 weeks ago

    what do you not understand about " I know money is a bit tight "..........He is keeping you both out of financial trouble. You want to spend more, you need to go out and earn more.

  • 3 weeks ago

    I guess it kind of depends on the way he's doing it. My gf and I don't share expenses, but I definitely get onto her sometimes about the way she's spending her money. It's not because I'm trying to control her or treat her like a child, but because I know she's not the best with budgeting herself and I'm trying to help her be better at it by discouraging her from spending money on things she doesn't need. If this is someone I'm going to share a future with, I need her to be able to use her money wisely and sometimes being hard on her is necessary to get her to understand what's important and what's not financially. If he's holding your money back from you and refuses to allow you to use it, I can understand how that comes across as controlling, but if he's simply advising you (even if it sounds angry), but is still giving you the money you ask for, I wouldn't say he's being controlling, just a concerned partner.

  • Anonymous
    3 weeks ago

    get a job that pays well

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