How to get out of the questioning zone or be more confident in it?

I don't know what my sexual or romantic orientation is. I've never had a crush so when I was younger I assumed that I was straight (classic presumption that heterosexual heteroromantic is the "default" and that I just wasn't ready to date. Did the whole college thing, got hit on/moves were made towards me by men and I was not loving it though the attention was fine. Got out of college, got hit on by a girl at an outdoor bar at a mushroom hunting festival of all places. It was totally flattering, but still no real attraction there.

I came across asexuality and some of the like subcategories like demisexual and grayasexual and those I kinda vibe with. Also found demiromantic and grayromantic in the aro zone. It's great that I've found some terms I really vibe with but I'm kind of sheepish about really getting the word out about it. It's almost like I'd be saying like "I'm lacking the attraction that 99% of the global population feels, hooray!"

I know a lot of people hate on ace/aro folks even within the LGBT+ world. So I'm still questioning whether to formally adopt an aro/ace spectrum orientation. I guess I have some internalized phobias about accepting what I consider to be my orientation at this moment, fear of having to explain my orientation all the time to people, fear that people will hate me, or that I won't be "queer enough", etc. Help?

1 Answer

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  • Craig
    Lv 5
    4 weeks ago
    Favorite Answer

    Do you have friends and acquaintances who are on tenterhooks, waiting for you to declare yourself?  The truth is that nobody cares what you think you might be into, sexually speaking.  No one is waiting to find out.  Take out a full page ad in the Times to let everyone know that you definitely, officially ARE (or AREN'T) whatever.  Nobody will understand why you did that, because nobody will care.

    Nobody needs to "explain" their orientation to anyone.  You've made it to the full bloom of manhood without the subject ever having come up, and it won't.  It's just not the thing you've apparently made it into, in your head.  "Sexuality" is something that middle schoolers worry about.  Adults either have sex or they don't (or they don't, USUALLY).  There's no choosing of sides or a dramatic reveal before an applauding audience.  It just is.  Or isn't.  That's all.

    You're only creating a complication for yourself.  Let it go.

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