Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFriends · 4 weeks ago

Is my friend of 12 years embarrassed to be seen with me? ?

me & my sister have a close family friend who we've known since we were 10, she's always been close and her family knew my family. We also traveled together as two families, she was really close to us during our childhood/early teens. 3 years ago, she was getting ready to get married and we always dreamed of her wedding together as kids, that we would be her bridesmaids &  even the venue etc. As we turn 20, she starts isolating herself and she says she doesn't have time to hang out although she makes time for her other close friend all the time. Thing is shes always been staying over at my house, my family would feed her, invite her to parties, but she would never do it. She even made comments on me being quiet and finds me boring, her expressions never hide it. Shes an extrovert, loud confident, but me & my sister are anxious sometimes* & quiet. her other close friend is exactly like her and they hug but its always an awkward hello whenever she meets us. We stopped talking to her 3 years ago because she didnt invite us to her wedding because of something petty and claimed we did nothing for her. It took her husband to tell her to say sorry to us and come back into our lives. Now she hardly seems interested talking and she always posts snapchats of her wedding/her best friends who brought her gifts during her wedding.She apologized to us for not inviting us, but i dont know why she would post things she apologized about. How do i react? i regret letting her back into my life

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    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    You're concerned that she's embarrassed, but at the same time you can't let go of a wedding that happened 3 years ago. If I were her I'd be uncomfortable around you also. She apologized. If you can't accept the apology and forget about not being invited to the wedding three years ago, you should probably forget about letting her back into your life in any meaningful way.

    You also describe the reason you weren't invited as something "petty." Maybe it wasn't so petty to her. Maybe you have an apology to make too?

  • 4 weeks ago

    I don't know that she's embarrassed to see you or be seen with you per say.  I think that the connection you have with her is dated and old to her.  She's not interested in maintaining a close relationship. You seem to want her to be closer than she wants to be with you.  So to you, she MAY have been a close friend or best friend.  To her you were either 2nd or 3rd best or close friend.  There's always someone a bit higher than you and she has a better connection with.  Nothing wrong with that.  My son while he was growing up, it was hard to watch him grow up with his friends.  He sort of was an oddball out.  His 'best friends' were only besties to him when they didn't have other friends to hang out with.  They would always ask other friends to come over and hang out and play first and then he was 2nd or 3rd or even 4th pick sometimes.  

    I had to teach him to be careful how he treats his friends and how they treat him.  As some pretended to be his friend when they didn't have anything better to do or better friends to hang out with.  They would use him for his toys or get him to help them with things that got him in some trouble with the teachers on occasion (causing disruption).

    Anyway long story short, is that who you think may be your close or best friends don't always reciprocate.  I had and have the same issue as you.  Being quiet, introverted and reserved.  My friends were a bit more outgoing and more 'available' to other people aside from me.  Sure we were good/great friends but to them they were my best friends but I was a far 2nd or 3rd best friend to them.  I knew it.  So it didn't bother me.  As we all had mostly the same circle of friends and they would be there for me if I needed.  But only if they weren't busy with the others.  Or they would bring the other friends along with. It was still a groovy time for me.  I don't hold anything against them.  They had their relationships and I had mine with them too.

    I hope that you can figure out what is best for you as far as friendships go with this lady.  Perhaps you have to open up to her and have a heart to heart.  Feel out where she is with you relationship wise.  But realize if you push or pressure her to be something she's not or something the relationship is not, you can push her further away.  So just take it as a learning experience for yourself.  And at that point either let her go, or just take a step back from the relationship and know that she will never be there for you in the way that you want.

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