Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 4 months ago

How can I help my wife heal for not having loving parents ?

Hi I am Robert 

My wife told me that she was abused as a child by her parents her mother would hit her slap her kick her and yell at her and her dad would call her ugly and said that nobody would want to be with her. My wife sister was her parents golden child. My wife’s needs weren’t met and it was very lonely for her. Her mother also told her that she looked like a whore and enjoyed treating her like crap. They would lock her in the shed for 24 hours and if she was luck only 2 hours. When she was 22 she met me and moved in with me and my family and I helped her get out of an abusive family. We got married at age 27 and we are stable we have 7 kids and Gorgeous grandchildren. But my wife still breaks down and still cries about her parents not giving her any love during her childhood some how things will get better than bam she will remember and then get depressed again it wounded her very deep and she isn’t ready to move on or heal from it What can I do to help her heal? This isn’t a troll this is a serious matter


It is all coming back to her I have been patient loving and caring with her during all of this she even told me she started cutting herself at age 13 she told me this 

Update 2:

She still has the scars on her body she still cries herself to sleep I tried to comfort her but it didn’t help 

Update 3:

I can’t get help because of the coronavirus and all the therapists sessions are closed 

Update 4:

My wife has abandonment issues from when her parents would abandoned her for weeks when she was a child

Update 5:

Before the coronavirus started we would go for walks and last year we went for a walk and  she saw a mother holding an umbrella over her daughters head and she told her daughter that she loved her and she cried wishing that her parents did that to her I tried comforting her that it is her parents loss and I am there for her 

3 Answers

  • 4 months ago
    Favorite Answer

    If not a troll then WHY haven't you sought professional help to get your wife past this feeling of abandonment, and help to deal with her abusive past? She needs more than just your reassurance if she is breaking down over the years when reminded of it by some situation. 

    You can and should be as gently loving as you can, as well as being supportive of her seeking and getting that help. 

    Of course you need to avoid doing any of those abusive actions that she previously experienced - the physical abuse, the name calling and being ridiculed, the feeling of not being good enough, and being excluded from your life.

  • RP
    Lv 7
    4 months ago

    There is no way to undo the damage done, but your role, as her spouse and partner, is to help her cope with the terrible impact of her upbringing.

  • Anonymous
    4 months ago

    Go back to being the overprotective mother who wants to be the only woman in her son's life. You have a more believable trolling scenario there.

Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.