Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 month ago

Is it such a bad thing to marry someone you perceive as safe ?

Safe as in they would never cheat or stray they would never hit you get themselves sent to jail or sabotage the relationship in any way. Safe as in that you can count on them and you don’t have to worry about them ever leaving for the next best thing. In your 20s it might be cool to date someone whose a challenge or exciting and living life on the edge but when you truly want to settle down you can’t deal with somebody who is that risky right? So even if you don’t have crazy heart beats around them you still should be with them because true love isn’t suoooded to be a roller coaster of emotions or feeling high as a kite all the time. It’s about trust loyalty and stability. I mean who wants to be on a constant high all the time anyways 

2 Answers

  • 1 month ago

    It would be wrong to marry the "safe" person IF you are feeling all those other feelings for someone else. That would be cheating THEM out of a whole and healthy relationship with you.

  • 1 month ago

    Safe can create a position of taking them for granted. Nothing and no-one is safe in this context. It implies a lack of respect.

    We fall madly in love, don’t we, thinking (feeling rather) that it will last forever and is enough for a serious relationship. However, it’s very hard to live on an emotional high for very long. Eventually we start to come down from the ecstasy, excitement, strong passions and desires, typically after around 18 months to three years (people vary of course). If couples are friends, discuss their mutual values, shared ambitions, interests, etc., in some depth (obviously there will be some differences, which help make relationships interesting), and make plans, work on their personal development, etc., this can develop into a long and wonderful relationship. If one party feels insecure or low in self respect, it can make for a difficult partnership. It's easy to behave at our best when in love, but marriage, for example, requires a lot of self discipline, sacrifice, compromise and flexibility. If a strong friendship is not in place, the relationship will probably peter out eventually - or worse. Quite often we fall in love because we are lonely and allow ourselves to be won over by anyone who takes an interest in us. Thus we give away control to somebody else if we are not careful. This is another reason for taking things very slowly, and really getting to know someone before committing ourselves or getting too emotionally or sexually involved. Sex can be emotionally bonding, which is disastrous if the other things are not there: strong friendship, similar values and standards, common interests, etc. Good Luck!

Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.