Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 3 weeks ago

military husband won’t split bah with me? ?

my husband and i don’t live together at the moment. he’s an E1 and lives in the barracks while i still live at home with my parents. he refuses to share half of the bah with me because he says i stay with my family and pay no bills. this is true however the only bill he pays for is his phone bill. the rest of his money is spent on food and expensive luxury shoes?? i told him it’s unfair that he gets all the bah even though i stay with my family. he makes way more money than me considering i work part time. he even said that he could’ve married anyone to get bah it just so happened to be me and that if i want any of the money while we’re not living together i should either move out of my families house or he’ll divorce me so neither of us can get it? should he get all of the money? 

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  • 3 weeks ago
    Favorite Answer

    If people ever go for a divorce they discover that all of the money and assets are matrimonial.  No matter who gets their hands on it now.  You should not both be arguing over something that has no legal basis.  Marriage is about sharing and if this doesn't happen then you really don't have a marriage at all.  He stays in barracks so the Government pays pretty much all his costs.  He has no rationale to justify his claim. 

  • 3 weeks ago

    Did you marry him for the bah? While the purpose of his expanded income is FOR  his spouse and family... you have zero bills and work part time. Sounds like you've never moved out on your own and you and your husband are both still very young. Maybe wed too young. Did you marry for the bah? What would you spend it on? Are you certain that he's not saving ANY of it? Do you two intend to ever live together? 

    In other words, was the intent that you BOTH be ripping off the government or is it just him doing so? There's no suggestion of missing or longing or loving.                       

  • David
    Lv 6
    3 weeks ago

    Careful.  From what you wrote, your husband is not eligible for BAH.  Either your husband collects BAH and keeps it.  Or he loses it, and then he's forced to PAY IT BACK to the government.  (YES, that happens...on a daily basis, to many soldiers and even government civilian workers)

    I don't get why you are married, to begin with.  If you are living with your parents, then that is not a marriage.  

    From my point of view, you need to drop the BAH issue.  Your husband is not eligible to have that money.  If you raise too much of a stink, not only will you NOT get a share of the BAH money, but your husband will lose it AND have his wages garnished to pay it back.  Yes, that happens.  All the time.  It's not even a rare occurrence.  

    Aside from the BAH issue (drop it!)...if you are unhappy, you should probably file for divorce.  You two aren't really married at the moment, except "on paper".  But that's no way for a married couple to live.  Unless you anticipate living with your husband soon (say the next three months)...just divorce him.  

  • 3 weeks ago

    I have been out 40+ years, but this sounds fishy. imo if he is living in the barracks he should not get a housing allowance (especially as an E1). Also, food is free in the chow hall. And what does he need with expensive shoes? {I say you should divorce him. He does not sound like a loving husband.} But if you are serious, talk to base personnel.

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