Am I overreacting ?
Since the age of 17 I’ve been getting
harassed by a family member at every family party (and sometimes other times if he were drunk). Very recently in turned physical and I was absolutely terrified and so I eventually told my mum what happened to me as I was worried about seeing him again and what he may do next time.
My mum said that he just gets too drunk sometimes but “we know the real him and know he’s nice deep down”. Which to be honest, made me feel really upset as it felt as though she was siding with him. She now wants us to go on holiday with him and I’ve said I don’t feel comfortable with that at all but she simply says I’m overreacting and being too dramatic.
Do you think I’m overreacting and how do I deal with the holiday situation?
- Alan HLv 74 weeks ago
You are NOT overreacting. His indulgence with alcohol is no excuse. If he approaches you inappropriately again, SCREAM at the top of your voice. And keep on screaming till he moves away.
If, when sober, he apologises, accept his apologies once, but assure him you will scream even louder next time.....before you report him
- TjLv 74 weeks ago
Once it became physical, he crossed the line. You mom is crap....If at all possible do not go anywhere near him. If he does it again...get away from him and call the police. Dont you have a Dad or brothers to protect you, since your mom is crap. If you must attack him, do it, a good knee or foot in his man nuts should stop him. And do it hard as you can.
- Coach SimonLv 74 weeks ago
Obviously you are now an adult, so can you choose to go on holiday elsewhere - with some friends, perhaps?
Naturally, it is your choice to get drunk yourself, so you might prefer to stay in control while he is around, and when he gets drunk he will probably be best avoided.
People who are feeling confident and secure and have self respect don't feel a need to call people names, criticise, bully, shout, etc.
Bullies want attention, and my general feelings are that if people allow them to get their way through fear (the ultimate emotional reaction) they are succeeding and will continue. One way to combat verbal bullying is not to ignore them completely as this shows that they are getting to you, but demonstrate that you have heard the remark or whatever with a glance, dismissive wave or brief response ("oh yes", or similar) and THEN ignore them. Why should you care what such a pathetic person thinks of you? (Only weak and needy people feel a need to bully). Alternatively, or in addition, try to use some humour (U.K. spellings!). It need not be mocking humour, but some light-hearted banter can often diffuse situations.
Put on an imaginary suit of golden armour, and visualise the unkind remarks (or those you perceive to be unkind - be very careful not to imagine a slight when none is intended) as arrows, harmlessly bouncing off your armour and falling to the ground.
If the abuse is physical, you could join a martial arts or self defence class. Or even check out some moves on Youtube. Learn to defend yourself without retaliating.
- 4 weeks ago
Your mom doesn't seem to understand how this is affecting you mentally and that he tried to get physical. If you are being forced to go against your will, you need to stand up for yourself either tell your mom you're stay at home and that's it, or if you get forced to go be around someone you trust all the time and ask them to not leave you because of what he does. Never be alone with that guy. And if he tries to harass you again, raise your voice very loud and make it clear to him what hes doing is NOT OKAY. Be angry but stern and in control with your emotions when you say it to him. And if he keeps touching you and no one is helping, call the police.
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- Pearl LLv 74 weeks ago
i would tell the police about it