Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Pregnancy & ParentingTeen & Preteen · 4 weeks ago

Is anyone else going through this when it comes to their kids?

My kids at a younger age were alot different I use to love spending time with them and they use to love going places and  but now at age 11 and 13 they're alot different . I don't live with them but when ever there mother drops them off they never want to go anywhere (especially on weekends) but stay inside and watch tv or tiktok all day.

 They never listen and only become extra nice when they want something . I have to ask them many times to do stuff before they actually listen for example to brush their teeth or clean up their mess that they made where when they're younger they automatically listened with out arguing or saying ill do it later. I have a stressful enough job as it is and they seem to add on to it where to the point that I ask to see them less often

I see other kids bonding with their parents whenever I go out but I dont seem to have that bond anymore where I feel like giving up with trying to keep a relationship with my children

Update:

This started happening 2 years ago

7 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 week ago

    Your children are at "that rebellious" age. I think it is normal. Do not give up on them, they do need you. Do not take their laziness as a personal a front to you as what they are doing is normal. 

    When my children were young, I showed them horrible pictures of rotting teeth and the results of poor dental hygiene and I read them the health effects of poor dental care, plus the cost of dental care. When they wanted to skip teeth brushing, I reminded them that they would have bad breath and high dental bills when they grew up!

    Don't ask your kids what they want to do. Tell them  this is what we are doing....then do it with them. You eat, right? Well, get them involved with the meal planning, prepping and cooking. Make it a mission to create the best omletts, killer pizzas and fantastic tacos! Get them involved and if they are lame and do not care, then cereal it is,  three times a day!  Make them accountable for their choices. 

    Grow a vegetable garden together. My grandparents did that for us kids and we loved it and looked forward to going there to see what grew and what was ready to eat. 

    Maybe get them to decorate their rooms with a new coat of paint.

    Children that age need motivation and stimulation  otherwise they become sulking lumps on a log.

    Living in a covid climate is no damn fun. But, you can go fly a kite in a park, throw a Frisbee and pack a home made lunch. 

  • 4 weeks ago

    They are getting older and even when you live fulltime with your children, as they get older things change and relationships have to change. I've never spent more than a single night away from my nearly 11-year old son and our relationship is definitely different than when he was 4-5 years old. Kids turn into unidentifiable creatures around 10/11 until they are past their teens. Don't give up on being their parent just because they are growing up, they are supposed to grow up. Right now you need to communicate more, not less. Tell them that this new stage is hard on you and that you would like to do family activities with them sometimes. I know my kid HATES being told what to do, basically everything I tell him to do is stuff he knows he needs to do (like brushing teeth)… unfortunately this age is when a lot of times, if you pay attention, we often only talk to the kids to tell them to do something. So, we talked it over and both decided that writing things down is the best way to keep track of those little things like brushing teeth. So, I'll just say, "Hey, there's a note on the board for you, thanks." 

  • edward
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    My parents used to arrange family days.  Just a few days a month where it is just the family, we go out to dinner maybe, the day normally started with everyone sleeping in, late.  Brunch and we talk...for hours about everything and nothing just family bonding before we all go out to dinner together.  Best times of my life.  You’re not putting in the effort to connect with kids that want nothing to do with you

  • L
    Lv 4
    4 weeks ago

    Different times - different rules.  I never had these problems with my three where teens, however, I have gone though this with grand daughters.  Once they developed a mind of their own - life was HELL trying to have them over to visit.  They were much easier to deal with when they were really young.

    As for you and your kids...........you really need to discuss this with their mother.  You BOTH need to set down rules and stick to them.  Right now, it sounds like they are raising themselves because their mother works and they have no one to tell them what to do.  BOTH of you need to give them chores and expectations - when they don't do either - then they must accept responsibility for their actions and expect to be punished.

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  • Merry
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    I'm a single parent of boys age 13 - 16

    The connection you have with your kids is up to you & the effort you put in now. 

    You set the rules and the standards. 

    Create a routine and expectation. 

    Even on holidays we are out of bed by 9am. 

    My kids make their own beds & contribute to household jobs every day. 

    I plan ahead things for us to do together. Mostly beach walks, bike rides, hiking & sometimes cinemas or weekends away. 

    Dinner is a set time & we sit down together. 

    We only have 1 X TV in the house so when we watch it we watch it together (usually a movie) Their phones & devices are not allowed in their bedrooms & after dinner they remain on the kitchen bench. 

    Sure... they have tested this & complain about it & I'm happy to have a respectful mature conversation with them & negotiate but it's also up to me as the parent to decide. (eg My eldest earned time on his iPad by helping me in the garden) 

    I plan outings with them & it's not always what I want to do. They understand and appreciate that I can not afford to spend $$ all the time and that not every outing will include $$ dinner & movies and that's ok - it's also a good life lesson. 

    Tell them what you'd like, what you expect & need from them ... be reasonable, honest and willing to listen... Set routines, be consistent. Good luck. 

  • 4 weeks ago

    There are several things happening here that affect the kids' behavior.

    1)  Age - the most difficult ages to parent are pre-teen and teen.  Kids are starting to think for themselves and often rebel.  That's normal.

    2) Separation trauma - If the kids spent most of their life living with their mom and she's not there now, they will have emotional problems that affect their behavior.

    3)  Different parenting methods.  In the past you may have left most of the parenting to their mom and when they're with her, she probably has rules to follow, which you don't seem to have.

    4)  Lack of discipline. Discipline should never be physical or violent.  Now that parenting is your responsibility, you need to have rules and consequences for when they break the rules, such as taking away a privilege, grounding them or sending them to their room.  But your strongest connection should be listening to them, helping them and caring for them.  

  • 4 weeks ago

    What we allow is what will continue.

    You allow them to watch t.v. and play on their phones or other devices all day. Some t.v. and some electronic device time is fine, but as a parent it is your responsibility to enforce limits.

    Plan outings with them. Ban electronics when you go out. When they complain, ignore them.

    When you are at home with them and they refuse to do something, the t.v. goes off and the electronics are handed over until the chore is done. Period.

    I highly recommend reading the book Parenting With Love and Logic, by Foster Kline and Jim Fay.

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