Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 1 month ago

Why won't these people let go of the past?!?

So, I would be the first to admit that, as a child, teenager and and young adult, I was a bully. I would even go as far to say that I was a  Heather Chandler, Regina George and Cheryl Blossom cocktail. But now I'm in my late 20s, I have a newborn daughter, a loving husband and a sturdy home and work life. I should be living peacefully, right? 

Not according to my old childhood chums. So, on Insta, a bunch of people I went to school have come at me with full force telling me how I ruined a part of their lives somehow. They told me how badly they feel for my daughter that she has to share my DNA and be a devil's pathetic. Everyone gets bullied. Move on.

One girl who I barely remember even told me that I almost lead her to suicide because I was bullying her when she was going through a hard time at home. She said she also had learning disabilities and that stopped her from doing well in school and she had to drop out. That made me feel kind of bad, so I replied with, "I am so sorry. I had no idea and that was horrible of me. I should have known better. But, sweetie, that was years ago, it's time to move on. We're not kids anymore. Thank you for expressing yourself to me. Much love." And she went ballistic on me, as if she could change the past. 

I just want to know which loser decided that having people gang  up on me like this was a good idea. 

Anyhow, why can't people let go of the past? Yeah, I a bully. Why can't people move on?


Update: no, I'm not a troll. This is a real problem I need advice on. Please.

17 Answers

  • 1 month ago

    They are looking for valadation, meaning they want you to admit to them you bullied them and to show that they went through a bad experience, and that you own your poor behaviour. The problem here is you are refusing to own it, instead, you are trying to justify it by saying "oh its in the past", "everyones a bully etc", you are STILL insulting and dismissing them!

    You are right, you can't go back and change the past, what's done is done, I agree with you on that aspect of your POV. However, you can change the present and future, all it takes is to say to them "I was a bully, I was wrong for my behaviour, I truly am sorry", I can assure you, if you do that, it will give them the peace of mind they are looking for, and they too will move on.

    You say you aren't a child anymore? It seems to me you still have a chilidsh mentality, its time for YOU to grow up here.

  • 1 month ago

     If I can talk to teenagers who were bullied, I would say just that, to move on.  I would explain, life is not always fair. I was bullied, and I am 55 yrs old.  I have not thought much of the bullies, in the last 30 yrs.  Most people who are abused, or miss treated as children move on, for the most part fall in love get a job, have children and live an OK life.   I would tell, these people who were bullied, to know, what goes around will come around for most people.  If not in this life, maybe your next life you might be the one bullied, and abused.  Or your child, might be the one bullied.   I think it could be possible, only because you do not see or care about the pain you caused others.  And you might be teaching that to your child. Besides not understanding hurting, miss treated, or abusing others is something you should feel bad about.  but know this, every mass shooting and the other 200,000 kids shoot and or killed were bullies.  Most kids are miss treated to some degree, made fun of, put down, and most get over it, to some degree.  Some do not.  Them not getting over it is their problem. Really has nothing to do with you.  You not caring or showing any regret or sympathy of people you full understand and admit you hurt, is yours.  I was able to let most of the pain go over 30 yrs ago, when I felt a religious idea, that whatever we do, whatever punishment we would give someone if they did it to us, will be the same punishment we get when we die. 

  • Isabel
    Lv 4
    1 month ago

    I think the reason that girl got so upset if that your apology wasn’t a “proper” apology.  You turned it back on her and told her not to feel bad.  The fact that you barely remember her does NOT mean that she wasn’t impacted by you.  I think that you need to read up on what constitutes a good apology and reflect of how we impact others without realizing it.  Yes, it was a long time ago.  Yes, you cannot change the past.  But you can make your victims’ memories and feelings worse or you can give them closure.  I suggest you really really try.  Model that good behavior for your child.

  • 1 month ago

    Wow,  that's a hard one.   Not sure exactly how you bullied these people,   but i'd like to also think that at some point people realize that kids can be SO cruel,   but hopefully for the most part grow up to be responsible and fine adults

    Luckily,  I wasn't bullied all that much  (NEVER in High School,   a little bit in Elementary)   but those who bullied me,  I am sure they grew up to be nice fine (and hopefully successful people)  

    The one who you did bully who allegedly tried to commit suicide.   I don't know what to say.   Luckily she didn't though......

    I would skip on the   "That was a long time ago,   you should move on"   The truth is though,   you can not change the past......All you can do,  is be sincere when you apologize.   show remorse,   but if they choose NOT to forgive you,  then it's on them......You did your part,  so then you can move on and let people who choose not to forgive to lay in their own swine.....

    In my opinion,   school need to eliminate bullying,   by maybe making the parents of the bully,   pay a hefty fine......or be expelled from school

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  • 1 month ago

    Your apology was great up until "but..." if you find yourself writing "but" in an apology, just stop, because anything after that is going to be a pathetic excuse for your behavior. Stick with, "I'm sorry, I realize I was really horrible to you and there's no excuse." People know they cannot change the past, they know you cannot change the past, that's not the point. You were obviously a source of great pain to a lot of people and they get to tell you how your decisions impacted them so they CAN move forward. You were abusive, be accountable for that. 

  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    cause they dont want to

  • Ann
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Block all of these people from your social media, and don't have any communication with them at all.  Get off of the forum (Insta) where you've been in touch with them.  I will tell you that a person who is severely bullied is never able to let go of the fear and humiliation, even years later. Bullying can drive people to suicide, and has in many cases.  You seem to have the opinion that these people should just forget about everything you said and did to them, when you must have absolutely terrorized them.  You now know how they feel, and since you're not willing to admit your responsibility for the severity of your behaviors, the thing for you to do is to disappear from their lives so they won't be reminded of you.  These people are not losers--they were your victims.  You remind them of a period in their lives that they're unable to forget, yet you choose to blithely move on without realizing or caring about the extent of what you did.  Because of that, you still have the attitude of a bully.  And it is not true that everyone gets bullied.  Hopefully, it won't happen to your daughter.  In the meantime, get off of social media with these people and quit taunting them.  My advice to you is to take a long look at yourself and figure out what it was that made you become a bully in the first place.  I have a suspicion that there is something in your past that drove it.  Bullies are not born, but made.  You need to work that out and maybe you will get a glimpse of what these people are feeling.

    Source(s): licensed psychologist
  • 1 month ago

    I was bullied/beaten as a child. It's something that never leaves you. I'm in my 60's and still have flashes of anger when something reminds me. What I especially love is the LYING that bullies do. Do you really think denying it actually erases your actions?? Not at all - in fact it makes it worse because you're showing (STILL!!) complete disregard/remorse to what you did to the other person. We all know bullies are COWARDS (hence, they're selective who they bully - note they never bully someone who stands up to them!!) With this in mind - have to say you have a nerve to say 'get over it' - if it had been you - knowing the coward you are - you'd still be b*tching/crying about it! For once, sit back and take what these people are doing - they earned it. You had it coming!

  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Some people are just emotionally stunted. But you can block people on social media and you can just decide to embrace the present instead of the past. You have a newborn so surely you can find inspiration to shift your attention to something that actually matters. 

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    I've seen news coverage of relatively recent studies showing that bullying often has a literal lifelong negative impact, depending on its severity.

    The damage to self esteem may be irreparable, even with counseling, if a bully made it their mission to undermine it. Yes, grown men and women doing adequately or better in their professional and personal lives are still suffering, hating themselves, lacking confidence, allowing others to use or abuse them, unable to ask for what they deserve, thinking they're unworthy of love or that promotion because of your words and actions as a child.

    Whoa, huh?

    Saying that you're sorry, it was long ago, and to get over it does not magically undo the harm you caused. Those people are entitled to their outrage. You were a nasty kid who didn't realize you were causing lasting damage, but that doesn't mean you're off the hook.

    If you don't want to hear it, you can block them, but telling them it was nothing is further bullying. Maybe you could use some counseling to wake up your empathy.

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