Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Society & CultureEtiquette · 4 weeks ago

Neighbors kids question ?

Neighbors kids always come play in my yard with my kids. I end up being the babysitter essentially which is fine, but it’s always my fridge that gets raided for drinks and snacks. Neighbors do not reciprocate or send drinks or snacks. I’m concerned if I ask them to I will be perceived as the bad guy for asking them to contribute. I sometimes even feed the kids lunch. The neighbors have a pool and do not invite my kids over and I feel a bit taken advantage of. I want my kids to have playmates yes but I feel a bit used. Any ideas on how to balance this a bit? 

13 Answers

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  • 4 weeks ago

    You are not responsible for feeding and giving your neighbors kids drinks. Hey! It costs too much! When its time for lunch, send them home and feed your kids. As far as drinks, make a big pitcher of cool aid. Don't be afraid of what the neighbors think when its only you doing this. The bottom line is this, you can be friendly and protective and nice. But you are not Santa Claus. And as far as lunch time or dinner, they can come back after they eat at there home.

  • Daisy
    Lv 6
    4 weeks ago

    It's nice to have a home where children feel welcome and safe.  However, that does not give them a 'free pass' to raid your refrigerator.

    You set up boundaries-- they can have water (as much as they want), but no snacks or other drinks.

    If they don't like that, they can bring their own snacks and drinks over and label them so everyone knows which snacks belong to which kid.

    You don't have to feed the neighborhood- especially if your neighbors aren't helping.

  • Edna
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    Don't let the neighbors' kids raid your refrigerator and don't feed them lunch. Tell the neighbors' kids to go home, and tell your kids to go along with them.  Let your neighbors feed all the kids for a change. 

  • Anonymous
    4 weeks ago

    Talk about it and say take them maybe.

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  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    i would ask them to contribute

  • 4 weeks ago

    You don't mention finances, so I would guess it's not upsetting your budget. I initially thought to stop it - but that's a knee jerk reaction. You know where YOUR kids are and that's what's important. Kill the 'used' thought, it will breed and spoil what you have. Kids don't always pick up - but in time they will remember you were the only one who looked out for them. The ultimate reward? Your kids will be remembered/treated as the kids with the cool mum. And they will be treated well as a result of it.

  • Anonymous
    4 weeks ago

    This is so tough!  I'd guess most of us grew up with a "cool mom" in the neighborhood who always had snacks available, and always let us come over.  Or maybe it was our own mom. 

    But...in the ones I remember, the mom was thrilled to be doing it.  She liked having her kids at close hand and she liked getting to know their friends.  If it bothers you in some way, then yes you have every right to address it.

    The one thing you didn't make clear is what part of this bothers you most.  (I'd leave the pool out of it).  Is it the babysitting aspect?  Is it them coming over with no warning?  Is it that their moms never provide snacks?   How many moms are involved here and how old are the kids?

    Try to figure out what bothers you and then start with that.  There are ways to get dirt cheap snacks and lemonade or whatever.  If it was me, I'd probably be more bothered that I was functioning as free day care, but that's just me.

    Also, you can control this more than you might think.  Stop serving lunch.  If it's lunch time and your kids are hungry, tell the other kids they need to go home for a few hours.  If there's no reciprocity, there's no way you should be providing free lunches!

  • 🦋
    Lv 6
    4 weeks ago

    if it was me i would not allow them over any more and would speak to the parents directly for play dates 

  • drip
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    My friend had the biggest backyard and always had the neighbor hood kids playing there.

    After one summer of this she put her foot down.

    She gave her kids drinks and snacks only.   kids were within a minute of their own home.  So she would tell them to go ask their own mom and dad for a snack. She would say her kids are taking a snack break now or It is lunch time and they had to go home for their snacks and drinks.  And that they could bring it back to her deck if they wanted to  sit together.  The kids got use to going home for their own food and drinks very fast. 

  • Anonymous
    4 weeks ago

    There's nothing you can do except be grateful you know where your kids are and that they are staying close by where you can keep an eye on them instead of gallivanting off to the neighbors' house where you know damn well nobody will keep on eye on them or make sure they're safe and fed and so forth.

    If you try and say anything to those neighbors about this, if they are as inconsiderate and stingy as you say, all that will possibly accomplish is those kids not coming over anymore. It won't get your kids invited. So all that will maybe happen is your kids won't have anyone to play with and neither will their kids, and it's not their kids' fault or your kids' fault. A bunch of really unhappy kids is all that can come from you trying to I'm not even sure what-- Get them to let your kids come over and swim in a pool where you know they wont be watched? Get them to give you money? What? So you're looking at your kids being super unhappy, then being super bored. You think dealing with those other kids being there is hard? They're keeping your kids entertained, and dealing with your own bored kids is way worse, a constant onslaught of having to come up with things for them to do. And that'll go on until if and when they find some other place to hang out, but then you won't have your kids around, which sounds great at first but isn't great at all, not really.  

    No, don't do anything but be glad that you have your kids at your house because the only thing worse than having your house be the hangout house for your kids and their friends is not having your house be the hangout house for your kids and their friends. 

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