Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 1 month ago

If your parents told you to "take a break" from visiting them and then suggested that you visit, would you stay away?

I visited my parents for a total of about 2 1/2 weeks earlier this year (in three trips).  Two of them were specifically at their request.

After I returned to my home (600 miles away), my mother wrote me, suggesting that I "take a break" from visiting them and save my money and enjoy a new home that I had recently bought.

That was 6 weeks ago.  Since then, my mother has written me several times, hinting that I should come visit (I think; she tells me that their dog misses me).

I had bought a plane ticket to visit them this coming weekend, but I plan to cancel it.  I don't want to get Covid-19 on a plane. 

But moreso, I am angry.  Angry at my parents for telling me not to come visit, although they have the right to, after they had demanded that I visit.  Angry at my parents for demanding that I visit, hinting that I visit, and also telling me not to visit.  And, most of all, angry at myself for whatever I did to result in being told not to visit, and angry that my people skills are so poor.

Would you just avoid visiting them until (1) they specifically request a visit and (2) Covid-19 travel restrictions are gone?  If I visit them, my state requires that I self-quarantine for 14 days when I get home.

Thanks.

3 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago
    Favorite Answer

    When you mention being angry at yourself, you sound very self aware!  But you might be angry for the wrong reason.

    It might be the way you wrote this, but it reads almost like you're a puppet and your parents are pulling the strings.  600 miles is pretty far away for 3 trips within several months.  Is it possible you're having trouble setting adult/adult boundaries with them?

    A lot of us struggle with this for various reasons.  I  was in my early 30's before I fully accomplished this.  There was a lot of guilt and fear of disappointing them involved.  So any time I interacted with them, I subconsciously reverted back mentally to the child/parent dynamics. 

    If this is possible, the best way to fight it is focus on the here and now with your own independent life.  If your state is strict with the virus, obviously this is more difficult, but overall, the more you have going on in your life, the less important they become.  You can still be very close to them, but become an independent adult who runs their own life.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    As I told you in a previous post, you shouldn't expose your parents to co-vid by traveling unnecessarily.  They can't "demand" that you visit.  Next time they ask, tell them they intimated that you shouldn't visit them as often and see how they answer you.  Travel home when the situation presents itself.

  • A
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    There is no reason for them to DEMAND that you visit.   Unless there is an urgent issue involving medical problems for which they need help, do not give in to their requests, merely tell them it is not a convenient time, or you cannot get the time off work, etc.  .   When you want to visit them, contact them and ask if Sept 5 through the 10th would be convenient for them.    

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