Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 1 month ago

Should I tell her ?

I’m pansexual and I’m in love with my best friend and she’s straight. She has a boyfriend and they’ve been together for about 7 months. It makes me jealous that she’s with him but I can’t say anything. I think she’s extremely beautiful and I don’t like that she always says she’s ugly. I want her to stay in my life forever so I can’t tell her that I’m in love with her because afraid it will ruin our friendship or make her feel uncomfortable with me or think of me differently. Please help and give me your best advice 

6 Answers

  • 1 month ago

    Male hetroflex.  Work with pan/bi women (some) who have C-PTSD; PTSD, BPD & BD (Bipolar Disorder).  In the US. I don't want a trophy.  I will take a cookie.  While I do not fully understand, I get it is all I mean.

    First thing to really consider is it is harder to be a woman than a man (Trans, CIS/other).  There is gender discrimination, sexism, bias and much more.  Women are trained that having sexual desires, interests or enjoying sexuality is "evil"/wrong or needs buried.  A quick example: I am a man I slept with 10 women, I am cool VS I am a woman I thought about sleeping with 5 men I am a sl*t.....

    We are simply taught/trained that bisexuality is wrong.  Women are afraid to come out, ashamed to or just never will for whatever reason.   

    Its really great she is in your life.  The fact she tells you she is ugly or says it around you a lot - she respects your opinion.  You did not give us any details or specifics it was vague AF.  I'd say generally flirt with her.  Dress nicer around her, demonstrate interest, slowly notch it up for a few months or a year.  Make some type of plan though.  Learn about what she likes, loves or enjoys.  Be those things - don't be fake but she seems like she is worth it.  It helps the friendship.  If she is not as open as you be more open around her, show her it is ok, there is nothing wrong with it.

    You know how to flirt - right?  Do that. Introduce 'sexuality' to it.  Ask her what she finds attractive in men/women.  Learn about her interests.  Don't compromise yourself but if she likes red, put on a bit more red on occasion.  If she likes boobs, butts / shoulders let her notice yours.  Its weird the BF doesn't care - he should be the one making her feel sexy/showing her off.  Go slow, make a plan... gl...

  • 1 month ago

    Stop pigeon-holing yourself with a 'label'.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    That's not going to go well for you if you do.  Potentially you would be screwing up any friendship you have with her.  The dream of turning someone has long been a bi and Lesbian fantasy, leave it there.  It rarely works, especially if the other woman is straight and strictly d*ckly.  She will not go off with you magically like you are hoping.  SO if she hasn't expressed one bit of interest in you, you need to back down girl.  

  • Helen
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    You have two options.

    1. Get it odd your chest. Tell her how you feel, even though she is straight and in a relationship. This may damage or even end your friendship.

    2. Don't tell her you feel and carry on torturing yourself and harbouring resentment, but at least you will have her in your life.

    There's no right or wrong here, it's just whatever outcome you would find easier to live with.

    Alternatively, the best way to move on from someone you can't have is to distance yourself.

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  • 1 month ago

    She's straight; she's in a relationship. What do you imagine would happen if you told her?

  • 1 month ago

    You answered your own question. You gain nothing and lose everything by speaking up. 

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