Should I break up with my bf? (Are the problems in my head or real?)?

So, I love my boyfriend and he's really cute. 

That being said, I sometimes wonder if our problems are in my head or if he actually has some problems.

The problems: 

1. He has never had a job and he is 26. He's never even done taxes.

2. I pay for a lot (but sometimes he pays for my tacos) 

3. He is really controlling, tells me what to watch and what to do a lot, but I think it is just because it's a part of his personality. It might be because he is insecure and cares about me. He doesn't tell me what to wear so he doesn't control everything. 

4. Sometimes I think he is manipulating me but that sounds kind of dramatic (he always tells me I am too dramatic and tbh he is probably right). 

5. Jokingly when I eat he calls me a little piggy. Shouldn't bother me cuz it is a pet name but sometimes it hurts (I have told him this). 

6. He won't go to some concerts or movies with me because he doesn't like the music or movies. But the unfair part is that I have to go to his when he wants. 

7. He texts 24/7 without breaks. And I have to respond and before I can go to bed I have to respond to his goodnight questions. It's a little much but I guess I am lucky because most guys don't put in that much effort. 

8. For some reason, I have tried breaking up with him before but luckily he has always gotten me back because he is persistent. 

9. Doesn't believe me when I tell him things/gaslights me sometimes. 

10. Tells me I play the victim sometimes (maybe I do)

Am I the problem? 

6 Answers

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  • 4 months ago
    Favorite Answer

    Gosh, there are so many red flags in your relationship, I wonder why you are still together, and they are NOT in your head.

    1. He has never had a job and he is 26. He's never even done taxes - why, why , why? If he every  trying to get work?  Red flag

    2. I pay for a lot (but sometimes he pays for my tacos) - not a red flag, but understandable given he has no income

    3. He is really controlling, tells me what to watch and what to do a lot, but I think it is just because it's a part of his personality. It might be because he is insecure and cares about me. He doesn't tell me what to wear so he doesn't control everything - huge red flag. And please do NOT try and defend him on this one. You are trying to justify his behaviour. Emotionally healthy men do not behave like this

    4. Sometimes I think he is manipulating me but that sounds kind of dramatic (he always tells me I am too dramatic and tbh he is probably right) - ok. Not a red flag as such

    5. Jokingly when I eat he calls me a little piggy. Shouldn't bother me cuz it is a pet name but sometimes it hurts (I have told him this) - a little unthinking on his part, rather than red flag

    6. He won't go to some concerts or movies with me because he doesn't like the music or movies - ok fair enough, given he also has little money

    But the unfair part is that I have to go to his when he wants - HAVE to go??? If he be behaves badly if you refuse, then red flag

    7. He texts 24/7 without breaks. And I have to respond and before I can go to bed I have to respond to his goodnight questions. It's a little much - HUGE red flag. Another sign of controlling behaviour

    but I guess I am lucky because most guys don't put in that much effort - again do NOT try and justify his behaviour please. You are NOT lucky to have this guy in your life

    8. For some reason, I have tried breaking up with him before but luckily he has always gotten me back because he is persistent - again more controlling behaviour. Red flag

    9. Doesn't believe me when I tell him things/gaslights me sometimes - red flag

    10. Tells me I play the victim sometimes (maybe I do) - red flag

    Am I the problem? - you are in the sense that you put you with this, you try and justify his behaviour and then see yourself as some of the problem.

    He is the problem. Is he really the best you think you can do??

  • 4 months ago

    You are right and He is a big problem.

    Its good you moved on but still thinking about him, is just because you didn't add anything new in your life to keep yourself busy and divert your energy into something positive and constructive.

    Please find something and grow positively.

  • 4 months ago

    You are not the problem.  He sounds like a jerk.  He is abusive.  He will only get worse.  Don't tell him about not telling you what to wear, he probably hasn't thought about it and will start.  

    I've had relationships like this, at first it's comforting thinking that he cares so much about what I do,  Don't let this fool you.  He doesn't.  He only cares about himself.  Narcissist.

  • Anonymous
    4 months ago

    Oh they are real problems. Dump him, you need to get away from a lazy bum. Be strong, do not go back to him. You are his meal ticket for the rest of his life.

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  • 4 months ago

    you are lucky thar you have a bfriend

  • 4 months ago

    I can say with 100% certainty, you will not break up with him.

    Why? 

    Any ONE of those issues would be enough to send anyone sane, running.

    He is abusive, manipulative, coercive and you STILL sit there taking the blame for HIS issues.

    What happened to you for you to have have SO little brains and self esteem that you allow someone to abuse you like this?

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