Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 4 months ago

Should i forgive my mother or disown her what do I do?

My parents abused me as a child they never told me that they love me and I was treated like trash I was told that I am a worthless brat and was told that I could do nothing in life I was reminded of this daily and my parents yelled at me everything I have done wrong My brother would hit me slap me yell at me and belittle me and bully me my sister would talk bad about me to her friends and laugh at me I was desperate for attention desperate for love I did everything that my sister wanted me to do I covered and lied to her at the end she called me an ugly stupid ***** and laughed about me with her friends I was 11 years old when I told my parents that my brother started hitting me when I didn’t do something that they didn’t like they threatened me to get my brother to hit me and to yell at me when I was 12 my parents got me a bike and expected me to know how to ride it they got angry at me for not using it so I asked my bff to know how to ride a bike when I was 13 I started choking on water I looked at my mom and begged her to help when I stoped I looked at my mom and asked her why she didn’t help me she yelled at me and asked “how do you expected me To help you” I told her that she could have held me and then she stormed off later that night she told my father I was disobedient and rude he yelled at me too I tried to explain myself but he took it as me talking back and pushed me to the floor and beat me with a wire coat hanger and told me that I should learn from talking back 


Continue: on the outside world we looked and acted like the perfect family but no one knew how things were behind the scenes as soon as I turned 25 it was the first time I ever stood up for myself and I packed my bags and I told my parents brother and sister “ I am moving out you guys ruined my childhood and I am never going to see you ever again you can kiss me goodbye” and I left I moved 10000 miles away and started a new life far away from my family and filed a restraining order against them 

Update 2:

Continue: I haven’t spoken to my family since then I am 69 years old I have a wonderful husband and two children and 3 grandchildren my husband treats me better than my parents brother and sister ever did and he treats me like a queen and he loves me spoils me cuddles me and he has been there for me he helped me heal from the abuse I was going through in my childhood 

Update 3:

Continue: My parents never held me when I used to cry but my husband has my parents never complemented me and told me that I was beautiful but my husband has my parents never held me in their arms but my husband has

Update 4:

Continue my husband is my rock he is my everything he saved me and we have an exiting married life and it was nothing but love I am great ful for that 

Update 5:

Continue: my mother called me last Friday  and told me that she was sorry for treating me badly and begged me to let her meet her grandchildren and great grandchildren I told her that I will think about it and hanged up I discussed this with my husband and he told me to forgive her but I am not so sure I told my children about their grandmother and told them about my childhood and they don’t know if they want her to meet them 

Update 6:

Continue: I received text messages from my mom begging me to meet to forgive her she kept on saying sorry throughout voice mails and has been crying about it 

Update 7:

Continue: I haven’t spoken to my mom ever since I moved out my dad died from cancer and my sister died from old age and my brother died from leukemia and I never let them see their nieces and nephews and I never let them see their grand nieces and nephews when they were alive 

Update 8:

Continue: I love my husband children and grandchildren and my son in law and my daughter in law they are my world I gave them the love I never had and they helped filled that void for me but I don’t know if I should forgive my mom for mistreating me she called me again today and she said ever since I left she has been thinking about her behavior and she tried contacting me when I was 27 but she heard I filed a restraining order against her and my family 

Update 9:

Continue: she started thinking about her behavior 

Update 10:

I haven’t forgiven my mother for doing this to me she also told me that she changed 

5 Answers

  • martin
    Lv 7
    4 months ago
    Favorite Answer

    You should forgive, but also you should move far away and come back to visit only once a year or so, but keep in touch.

  • A.J.
    Lv 7
    4 months ago

    1) The past happened, cannot be changed, and is gone forever. 

    2) "Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured." - Mark Twain.

    And, in this case, your anger was from within, and you remained isolated. You have only harmed yourself in any dwelling on the past.

    3) Your parents, if alive at all, would be in their 90's or more. It's been 44 years. Anyone alive is not the same person, and probably hardly recognizable. 

    4) If you wish to seek out and forgive, that's fine and your choice. It only has meaning to you probably, but it's something you do. It should have happened 30 years ago.

  • Anonymous
    4 months ago

    We need to forgive all. If we die hating even one other person, then we will go to Hell! Because Heaven is a place that is ALL Love!

    Don't treat them as they treated you! That would lower you down to their low level. 

    Pray to God for help and more understanding! 

  • 4 months ago

    Haven't you posted this in various forms multiple times?

    Forgiveness is for the forgiver, not for the forgiven.

    You are 69, have been living a wonderful life from what you describe....except you still haven't gotten over your childhood or your parents' abuse.  You need to do whatever you need to do so that you can move past this.  

    If I've answered this before, I will repeat: look into why your parents are/were the way they were.  Abuse tends to be generational.  It may not excuse their abuse but it may give you some understanding and compassion as to why they treated you the way they did.  I'm guessing they both had difficult childhoods.

    If you are 69, your mom is obviously an advanced age.  You have to ask yourself, if she died today, would you be okay with things being the way they are now?  If so, then you have your answer.  If not, then you have your answer. 

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  • 4 months ago

    forgive them all and then disown them and move to another state so they cannot find you

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