Thoughts spiritually on my viking poem I wrote just now?
As the eagle scans the battlefield,
The enemies fate is already sealed.
Charging headlong the berserker rages,
His wolf like howls echoing through the ages.
Mercy they could never grant,
Be brave for Odin to forever in Valhalla chant.
Poem by me
- jpopelishLv 74 months agoFavorite Answer
I would leave out the first word,
and the "is", in the second line.
Read those two lines, out loud, both ways
and feel the improvement.
- Anonymous4 months ago
I like the poem.
- UserLv 74 months ago
The rhythm and meter are both "off".
Most importantly and basically in English rhyming poetry
one must have ***the same number of syllables***
in each rhyming line
and if rhyming lines alternate, also in alternate lines.
In your simplistic-style poem (which is NOT a criticism)
all of the lines should have the same number of syllables.
This makes the "flow" of the poem much smoother.
On a more advanced level, word emphasis also needs to be in the same place in each line
and regular (e.g. every third syllable, or every fourth syllable, or what-have-you)
but that can be quite a bit more tricky to accomplish.
resolving just the syllables per line problem (and correcting a few grammatical errors)
As the eagle scans the battlefield
The enemies' fate is already sealed.
Berserker charging headlong rages
Howl echoing through the ages.
Only blackest mercy did they grant
Brave for Odin and Valhalla chant.
We can sort of "manufacture" an "imitation" meter by using capitals to indicate points of emphasis (and this demonstrates the problem with the poem as I've altered it, especially with the fifth line)
AS the eagle scans THE battlefield
THE enemies' fate is ALready sealed.
BERserker charging HEADlong rages
HoWl echoing THROUGH the ages.
ONly blackest merCY did they grant
BRAVE for Odin and VALhalla chant.
Some others opined that the eagle seemed out-of-context. One could replace the first line:
A Valkyrie scans THE battlefield [problem: "Valkyrie" is plural]
SWIFT Valkyrie scan THE battlefield
- Jim2Lv 74 months ago
I think it is pretty good but have to agree with the other guy that the eagle is out of place. You should tie him in a little better.
I really like the last line. That's true, that type of person will never go away!
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- Anonymous4 months ago
Why would the eagle scan the battlefield? They are hunters not scavengers.
- IncognitoLv 64 months ago
Odin would be proud.