Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Pregnancy & ParentingNewborn & Baby · 1 month ago

Should I ask for my baby supplies back?

I'll make this short. One of my coworkers came to me in December an told me they were 3 months pregnant. Immediately, I offered her my bassinet and plenty of baby clothes/ other supplies. She accepted- It was never mentioned but I felt it was a mutual understanding that the stroller + crib and some other supplies were still mine. Anyway, she very unfortunately miscarried a few weeks after I gave her the supplies. She has had my stuff for 6 months now and I'm not sure what to do. My brother's girlfriend is pregnant and I want the baby stuff to be used, not stuck in storage. My brother is not broke and could easily buy the supplies, but I don't want him to have to, since I already did, if that makes sense. My coworker isn't using them, and I don't know if it would be heartless or cruel to ask for them back. I feel that her storing the supplies and seeing them every day is possible a constant sad reminder? I can't imagine her immediately trying again after what she went through. Thoughts? 

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  • 1 month ago
    Favorite Answer

    You simply ask for them back. The fact she lost there baby is sad, but it was months ago.  Don't try to psychoanalyze your co-worker. Look at this the way you would if she'd had the child: You'd like your things back because she is now done with them and you'd like to let your brother use them. You'd ask for the stuff back eventually right? So ask now.  J

    You made two mistakes -- don't make them with your brother:1. NEVER give something to someone without setting clear expectations as to whether or not it is a gift or a loan and the terms of that load (until I get pregnant again, or for two years, or ??).  Don't make assumptions -- spell things out.  2. Don't give people stuff before they need it.  Neither your co-worker nor your brother need a stroller or crib or clothes until the child is born. get your stuff back and don't turn it over to your brother until they specifically say they are ready to set up the crib or use the stroller.  

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  • GB
    Lv 5
    1 month ago

    Did you make it clear they were being 'lent' to her? If not she might assume they are hers to keep, and she might be trying for another baby. Just because you could not imagine doing this very soon after a miscarriage, doesn't mean everone else feels the same.

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  • 1 month ago

    No, you should not.

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  • 1 month ago

    tell her about your bro`s bf being prego and ask for them back.

    • TheBellJar
      Lv 7
      1 month agoReport

      His boyfriend is pregnant?

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  • 1 month ago

    This is a rough situation, the first issue is that you didn't explicitly say that your intent was to loan these items and you expected them returned when her child grew out of them. The problem with just assuming that others are reading your mind is that you can't read anyone else's mind. There's no way to proceed without getting a little uncomfortable, but you're going to need to be straightforward and say, "I would like to get the things I loaned you back so someone else can use them." Then you need to be prepared for whatever her reaction will be, you can't know that and you don't get to choose for her. She might have simply not thought about it, she might not know how to talk to you about it, she might have thought the supplies were a gift, she might be sad or angry. I think I would also talk to your brother, do he and his partner even want your hand-me-downs? I don't mean to be rude, but you are assuming a whole lot from the other people involved. 

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  • 1 month ago

    You never told her that you wanted certain things back. She's not a mind-reader. She just went through a horrific loss. Forget your items. They're not important in the grand scheme of things

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    I wouldn't ask for them back  ...usually you don't return hand me down things.

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  • Jolene
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Unless you told her you expected the items back, there is no expectation that a gift from you to her would still belong to you. You can politely ask her if she would mind returning them since she wasn't able to use them, but they are now hers.

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