My partner and I disagree on our roles in our relationship. Help me understand her perspective. ?

My soon to be child’s mother and I are having disagreements as far as who should stay home with our future child.

She wants to work and save money for her (and us she says) and continue working for another 7-8 months after our child is born and then quit her job. If she stayed home she would be losing $1100 in pay and her insurance. 

If I stayed home I would be losing $2400 in pay. 

From her perspective she’s ok with me staying home and being dependent on her income. She’s not ok with depending on me during this 7-8 months. I offered to give her $9000 up front to supplement her loss of income plus an upfront amount for the insurance she was needing. This would solve her worries. She told me it was dumb to do that. If I stayed home our combined income would be $6500. If she stayed home our combined income would be $7500. I don’t know what to do because had she not been working when her ex divorced her she would have been screwed and I get that. That’s whats she’s afraid of. But I offered to pay the upfront difference before she made any decisions and she said no that’s dumb. 

 She told me she wanted to go back to work after those 7-8 months and my thought is why would it be smart to lose $1000 in our combined income only to have me quit a great paying job on a temporary bases? A job that has rare openings bc it pays $20.50 in the door as a ICE detention officer. Easy schedule and great pay. And to give that up for a 7-8 month situation is not smart. 

6 Answers

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  • 1 month ago

    It seems as if neither of you actually want the child.  Why did you create it then?  You talk of money and opportunities but not of a baby.  If it isn't too late I would be considering abortion.  You don't want to be parents.  Fine.  Don't be.  By why inflict suffering on an innocent baby?  That is wrong.

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    You seemingly already understand her perspective. She doesn't want to be dependent on you, period. She clearly doesn't want the upfront money you offered her and she doesn't want to be supported, which is understandable because she's been burned before.

    You're kind of at an impasse if neither of you wants to stay home. So, maybe put the baby in daycare or enlist the help of grandparents/family if anyone is close by and both go back to work. I know a few couples who put their kids in daycare at 6 weeks old and both went back to work. You could each take 3 weeks off work, bond with the baby, and then return to work.

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    You are a fool to make any arrangements before discussing the situation with legal counsel.  That's the short answer.

    99.9% of what you've posted is immaterial or nonsense.  I think all of your, "Hey, look at my finances!" posts are for the sole purpose of making you feel like less of a loser.

    • How about you answer the question vs ranting. Finances are real issues prick. It’s the reason my sons mother burned me financially. Thing is I won custody of my son because of it. However I later changed it to 50/50. You don’t like my question don’t answer it dumbazz 

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  • 1 month ago

    Neither of you have had a child before? People make a LOT of hard felt decisions based on things they haven't experienced and really don't know how they'll feel when it happens. They usually underestimate how long they'll want to stay home with their baby. They usually underestimate the cost of having a new baby. They commonly overestimate how quickly they'll want to return to work! Go for the insurance and the maturity leave and make the choices that need be made after the baby arrives. Until then, two incomes are a good idea!  You two decided to have a child. That takes a couple of decades. Not a couple of weeks. Having a child is not a spare time activity. 

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  • Jerry
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    I don't understand the idea that somebody has to be a long term stay at home parent.

    I don't understand your lack of enthusiasm for doing what parents do, making time to bond with your infant, being a real care giving involved in RAISING and CARING for the child and not just SUPPORTING the child. Both are important, not just money. 

    I don't understand asking her to do something you're not willing to do yourself. OR maybe that's something I choose to pretend to not understand and hope you will think about. 

    • ...Show all comments
    • We both have separate accounts but in the future we will have a joint account and separate accounts. She wants to own a horse stable so staying home and running her business is ideal for us both. She’s not the kind of person to not work. But we need stable income to budget for our investment. 

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  • 1 month ago

    She doesn't care about your thoughts and feelings?? she doesn't care about common sense either? you have a great job and she wants you to quit it? besides, she's the one who should stay with the child since she's the only one who can breastfeed him/her... yeah, I said something "politically incorrect".

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