Am I asking too much by having my husband watch the kids so I can clean the house?
So he works full time, and I am a stay at home mom. I do Everything inside the house., cook , clean, parent the kids ( 6 year old special needs and almost 2 yr old) , laundry. He doesn't do one thing. I get it's my job being at home, but shouldn't he at least do %25 ? Just watch the kids for a hour so I can clean? I never get a break..I am stressing out so much...oh and on top , I have been homeschooling her at home. I am not lazy at all. My little one is so busy , I cant even go to.the kitchen with out him trying to get into.something, he's non stop. I tried to clean, but every 5 mins I have to tend to.him or help out my 6 year old..my husband's excuse is he is too tired , in.which I get it , but that doesnt mean I cant have a break? He goes to the neighbors often to have a couple beers a couple times a week, but he.complains the house is a mess...am I wrong ?
- CathyLv 51 month ago
Yes. You are asking too much. Watching the kids is a woman's job.Source(s): Donald Trump
- bluebellbkkLv 71 month ago
I don't know why you're asking us, unless it's just to get things off your chest. You already know the answer.
- Dr. StephanieLv 71 month ago
Since he would like a cleaner home and will still not participate in helping out, hire someone. When he gets the bill, he may think twice about doing more himself. Is your little one hyperactive? Talk to your doctor about whether he is exhibiting signs of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. Its treatable. Good wishes,
- heart o' goldLv 71 month ago
Being a parent is 24/7 - for BOTH of you.
He should be helping.
Yesterday I was working with a couple that had two kids with them while shopping in my (home remodeling) store. Mostly the dad was riding herd on the kids, who appeared to be maybe 4 and 5. The dad works as a contractor, the mom stays home with the kids. She mentioned that when he’s home on weekends he does most of the kidcare so she can have a break.
I think your husband is being unfair and shirking what should be his duty to the kids and his duty to YOU.
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- dman63Lv 71 month ago
“Too tired?” Yeah, right. You’re home-schooling one kid and chasing another every 5 minutes. It’s not too much for him to keep an eye on the kids for a few hours while you clean and do other things - not to mention helping out around the house when he gets home. How hard is it to run the vacuum around or do a load of laundry or wash the dishes after dinner? He could also take the kids out for a few hours or a day so you can have some free time to yourself. I get that he’s tired when he gets home, but you’re not exactly sitting around all day either.
- JerryLv 71 month ago
If you both work all day (and have the accomplishments to show that you've been hard at work all day), then it's unreasonable for him to expect to flop down in an easy chair while you continue to work. He should be keeping the kids out of your hair while you deal with evening chores, should be getting the kids out of the house for a few hours on the weekend so you're free to actually clean instead of mind the children.
Maybe on one of his day's off you should get up really early, take the car, take his car keys too if he has his own car, and disappear for a day ... or longer. Contact him to let him know you're OK but you need a mental health day so you don't have to kill him and the kids. Sometimes people don't appreciate what they have until they have to do without.
After you do this, DO NOT use any "sorry" language. Remain on the offensive about how helpless he is without you, about what an awful job he does caring for his own home, his own children, even himself. Don't let yourself be on the defensive in this. It is you, not he, who is the wronged party.
"If you don't like the way I do laundry, then do your own #$%@) laundry" is easy to say and easier to do. So is "Me and the kids already ate; figure something out for yourself."
- JenLv 71 month ago
No youre not wrong. I might be biased because Im a SAHM too so I know too well what you are going through. The job of a father is not just to go to work. It doesnt take much effort to sit at the TV with the kids in the same room. Reading this makes me so thankful I don't have a husband with that mindset anymore (Im not putting your husband down, I know we all get tired physically and mentally sometimes so he might be just stuck in a rut). My husband makes an effort after work to spend time with the kids and play with them (thats when I work on the house). He has a physical job so he sits on the floor and plays with them, watches TV with them, reads to them, watch them play video games, etc. He even helps me clean the house on the weekends. And yes, you need your time to relax too. My relaxation time is going for a walk in the evening by myself. My husband knows I need "recovery time". AND...during all this helping out, he realizes he loves to cook so he actually cooks most of the time (SCORE!!! LOL). NOTE: Even though my husband does these things now, there was a time early in the marriage where we were off balanced. We did have many conversations on our personal needs before we came to an agreement point.
- Anonymous1 month ago
I would say that your husband is currently unintentionally taking advantage of you and needs to put far more effort into your relationship. Basically, you are in position now where you are going to have to train him to put in effort in being emotionally considerate. Therefore, what I recommend you do is to first of all cut back on the amount of things that you do for him. From this point forward, he needs to earn these things by spending time with you and doing things for you to enjoy.
Secondly, I would talk to him and plan fun things for the both of you to do. The purpose of this is to get your husband to interact with you by discussing your feelings, interests etc and things that he can do to contribute to the relationship in a romantic way. Also, guys are always more reluctant when their wives have organized something because they cannot live with the guilt. After you start doing this on a regular basis, your husband will pick on the things that he needs to do to make you happy. However, be sure to give him praise. Ultimately, this will boost his self-esteem and encourage him to show initiative in the future. I really hope this helps :)
- FekefufuLv 71 month ago
This is a common complaint amongst women. The women that don't complain are those that spend a few days with her husband while he is at work to understand the true meaning of tired. The other women that don't complain are those that know their place. It is a known fact that there are higher rates of divorce amongst men who help more with the housework because women start looking at him as if he is feminine and they are repulsed. That's just the screwed up nature of women
- PhilosophyAddictLv 71 month ago
No it is not too much, and it should not even be just so you can clean, he should be wanting to bond with his own children. When mine were little my husband always made time to play with them or read them a story or take them for walks or go to the park, not just so I could clean but so I could rest or be alone with my own thoughts or whatever and they all enjoyed it