How to get over a lover. ?

So, a bit of backstory: me and my friend (both born male) have been friends for about 4 years now. I recently came out as gay and [s]he recently came out as trans guy->girl. Now, for a while I secretly loved said friend and didn’t want to tell the because at the time I thought they were straight. Yesterday I confessed to her and she said that she just wanted to remain friends. I am fine with this, we are still very close friends and if she doesn’t want to be on a relationship then that’s perfectly ok with me. For all you people out there who will point out that I’m gay and technically she’s a girl, I really love her that much. I am not in any way saying that being trans is wrong and I fully support her there. My question is: I still really love her, and can’t stop thinking about her. How can I get over it?

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  • Sky
    Lv 7
    1 month ago
    Favorite Answer

    [Why keep your question anonymous when you've revealed in comments you are James?]  Even if she's a girl, your love and attraction for her comes from when she was still identifying and presenting as a guy.  She may have changed those factors but she's still the same person, so your feelings for her as the same person remain.  Anyway, whether she's homosexual and is only attracted to girls, or is attracted to guys but you just aren't her type, is irrelevant.  In either case it appears the door is closed on potentially moving the relationship towards romance and being in love.  You could try talking with her again about your feelings but acknowledge that if she only wants to remain friends, that's fine with you and you'd never want to lose her as a friend, but also that if her feelings should change, she knows how you feel.

    Beyond that, the way to get over her or at least move on with your life is to find love and romance with a boyfriend.  Once you start dating someone else and fall in love, the heartache of not being mates with her will fade because you'll find the love and happiness you desire with that other person.  Even if you continue having feelings for her (not like you can just switch off attraction like a light switch), having a mate will soften those feelings so it won't hurt as bad that she doesn't reciprocate.  Continue to support her as a great friend would do, and if/when she finds a mate with someone else, be very happy for her and encourage them to build a strong relationship.

    • Wjgood1 month agoReport

      Thanks, I forgot when posting the comment 😒. Best awnser by far and will take into consideration 

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  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    Best way to get over a man is to get under another.

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