Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 2 months ago

Am I a TERRIBLE MOTHER for my daughter?

I am a mother of four: 2 girls and 2 boys. I love my children and I think they are amazing. However they have huge age gaps. For example, my eldest daughter is 15 years older than my youngest. My eldest is 20 and this is a pivotal point in her life. My Youngest is 4 and is coming 5 in 3 months. However there is a HUGE problem. My eldest daughter suffers from huge self-esteem issues, all of which concern her physical appearance. I was a young mother and she witnessed and went through a lot. I couldn't do the same things I do with her younger sister because I didn't have the resources and money back then. Her younger sister is obsessed with beauty and looking beautiful something I couldn't provide for my eldest daughter, sometimes she had to wear her brother's clothes. My eldest daughter and her father haven't had a good relationship since she was young and it has got much worse. She barely had a childhood, she was responsible for her siblings so that her father and I could go to work. My youngest daughter is stunningly beautiful and my eldest has to hear this every day from everyone. My husband makes a point of making it known and I genuinely feel sorry for my eldest daughter. My husband compares her to her younger sister which mist hurt her a lot. I read her diary and she is planning on escaping and never talking to us ever again, she wants to disown us. And I understand why.

I feel like a terrible mother. It's just like my older sister went through and I was the youngest. 

4 Answers

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  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    i dont think so

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  • 2 months ago

    I'm not only concerned about your oldest child, but the younger one as well. It sounds like she is growing up hearing only about how beautiful she is, which is really sad. Is there anything about her as a person that you and her father appreciate? Does she get to hear that she's kind, thoughtful, smart, resourceful, strong, etc? Has your oldest child heard the same from you? That she is strong and smart and you know that she's had to grow up faster than the other kids just so they could have a childhood? Instead of feeling sorry for her and invading her personal space (put her diary back and leave it alone); change how you are around your children. She doesn't need pity, she needs someone to recognize her for who she is. 

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  • God
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    Please don't blame yourself.  You are not a terrible mom.  Many 20 year olds are still in the rebellious adolescent period.  I bet your daughter will learn to respect you when she sees what the real world is like. 

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  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    You are NOT a terrible mom. 

    as a 20 year old myself, yes self-esteem is an issue for all, it usually arises from family comparison that annoy everyone, it's the same as asking a kid who do you love more Mom or Dad, we do get jealous even from Tiny babies. 

    according to what you said it isn't your fault that you couldn't provide her with what she needed as a kid, Life is never fair for us.

    the only solution is to try and compliment her more,keep her away from the negatives, small things mean to us. she would appreciate what you've done when she gets older in terms of working to provide the kids with a better life.  

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