Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 2 months ago

Married and have friends?

I'm married, happy two years, but my wife found out i had been taking a female friend out to lunch a few months ago. Not a co-worker or long time friend, just someone i met at a friend's party and we hung out on weekends or whenever we could tbh.

Now my wife decided to check our bank account and saw my spending. Being the way i am, I told her a have a friend that's female, but we're just friends who hang out on weekends.

Now she's upset thinking i cheated on her.

Now who's in the wrong; me being married and having a girl- friend, or is she overreacting?

9 Answers

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  • David
    Lv 6
    2 months ago

    That depends.  When did the wife find out about this female friend?  If it was more than 30 seconds after you initiated the friendship...then that's emotional cheating.  And I'm surprised your wife hasn't filed for divorce yet.

  • 2 months ago

    I have to side with her. It's a little emotionally cheating. Her feelings are more valid than the friends. Sorry bud. You must respect your wifes wishes. If it bothers her, knock it off

  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    If this "friendship" was sincere your wife wouldn't have had to find out about it this way. My husband stays with a female friend in her apartment when he travels to NYC for work. I know her, I know him, I don't worry a moment about it. It's your hiding and sneaking around that's the problem here. Had you told your wife up front she likely wouldn't be bothered. You might benefit from some marriage counseling but even an un-credentialed amateur like me can tell you that the reason you kept this a secret is because you resent your wife. I don't even think you were hoping this would lead to sex. It just felt naughty and subversive to be doing something your wife didn't know about. With guys like you it usually helps for someone to remind you that your wife isn't your mom and that you're free to leave the relationship any time you like. 

  • Happy
    Lv 6
    2 months ago

    Turn the tables and think about that answer. The fact you lied about it makes her suspicious. Now she may cheat on you. 

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  • 2 months ago

    YOU are definitely in the wrong. 

    If this was really all that innocent why wouldn't you haven't you mentioned this friend to her? Talked about the lunches, the weekends with her? WHY wouldn't you have let her know who you were choosing to spend weekends away with another woman? What exactly did you say when you went out? Or do you just leave and say nothing?

    If you feel you have to hide something chances are its because you already KNOW its wrong. 

    Why aren't you spending those lunches and weekends with your spouse, spending the money and time on her? What do you think this friend contributes to your life, your marriage? 

    How would YOU feel if your wife had a "boy friend" that she never told YOU about? 

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    You are totally wrong. You are MARRIED. Act like it!

  • Tj
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    You need to stop making female friends. Break it off. You have a wife of only 2 years and you are doing this? Lets see how long it will be before your wife dumps you. Cheating will be the next thing you will do.  Why did you even bother to get married if you are still going to parties without the wive, or did you hide that you took her number.  I wish your wife good luck with you.

  • 2 months ago

    I don’t know what your marriage vows said, but somewhere in mine it mentioned, “Forsaking All Others.”  Your situation is like holding a lit match over a bucket of gasoline, it’s a recipe for disaster.  

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    Your wife isn’t overreacting, it’s normal because you guys are married and she was unaware that you were hanging out with this girl. Think about it this way, imagine if your wife was seeing this “guy friend” for a couple of times and you had just found out about it. You would prob feel the same. It would’ve been best to discuss before hand if it was okay to hang out with a girl friend with your wife because you have to take her feelings into consideration as well. Communication is key

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