Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 2 months ago

Becoming a single mother while in a relationship?

I’ve decided I want to have a baby now, I’ve chosen to be a single mother instead of waiting for “Mr. Right”.

I am in a relationship right now but we’ve only been dating for just under a year... I don’t want to have a child with him at this point. (Not that he wouldn’t be a good father, I just don’t know how long this will last)When I asked him if he’d be okay with it he said he’d break up with me. He won’t tell me why, he just ignored my inquiry. I don’t understand why he would be upset because at least he doesn’t have to worry about having another kid right now. He already has one with his ex wife. I accept 100% responsibility, not asking for his help or sperm. Would you be upset if I were your partner? Could you elaborate? I’m just trying to get another perspective.

Update:

EDIT: I am not using his sperm!

I have a great career, job security and money saved. He will be nothing more than a boyfriend. 

3 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    2 months ago
    Favorite Answer

    Maybe he doesn’t trust manipulative American women like a lot of American men who have experienced the brutality of no-fault divorce and custody court in this country. And you might not even be one of those manipulative American women... you might be the most honest, conscientious, responsible, accountable woman he’ll ever meet.

     But maybe he’s just generalizing about women now. Because of his previous experiences. That can’t happen you know. People start to paint the opposite sex with a broad brush stroke because they’ve had such bad experiences.

    . Of course this is all conjecture because I don’t know him and maybe he didn’t have a bad divorce. But then again maybe he did. The point is he might just not trust the situation it might just seem too good to be true to him. And or for he might think there are hidden strings attached. 

    If he went through the kind of divorce I did and suffered  the kind of losses on all levels that I did,I would understand why he would not trust the situation. 

    I thought my son’s mother  was the most trustworthy , honest person in the world when I first met her. Little did I know. Wow, was I wrong. So sometimes you end up paying the price for other women. It’s like when you were in school and one kid in the class misbehaved but the entire class got punished. Same deal.

    And then again, maybe none of this is playing a part in the whole thing. Maybe he just doesn’t want to be involved with somebody who’s going to be tied down with a child. Maybe he didn’t wanna be tied down with his own. Or maybe he would feel disloyal to his own child if you also got involved with a woman who had her own. Or if his ex is being a bit ch and won’t let him see his own kid, maybe seeing your child would remind him of his loss and depress the hell out of him. 

    Or...or...or...or, who the hell knows? 

    I guess if he had just had the capacity to lay his cards down when you asked him the reason in the first place, you wouldn’t have had to ask the question here right?

    Silly human games.

    “What fools these mortals be...”

    • Liv2 months agoReport

      Thank you for your perspective. I hope the best for your family. 

      If only I didn’t have to ask this question.

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  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    Single moms are one of the most disadvantaged groups in the U.S. — nearly 30% of their families live under the poverty line, according to the US Census, as compared with 62% of families with married parents.

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  • Jerry
    Lv 6
    2 months ago

    If he fathers your child, he's financially responsible for that child until the age of 18... He's honest enough to tell you why...being a parent is a huge responsibility. I have NO issues with you becoming a single parent, it's your decision, but unless you use a sperm bank, whomever the father of that child is, is legally responsible.

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