Feeling very depressed and want to kill myself ?
My girlfriend of 6 months just dumped me and admitted to seeing another guy who she said she fell in love with. I’m just feeling really bad right now and don’t know what to do.
I’m 27 years old and she was 25. She’s the first person I’ve dated that I genuinely liked and had so much in common with. I felt that something was off for the past 3 weeks when she was being a lot less responsive. I asked her if she liked someone else and she said yes”I feel hard in love with someone else, sorry”I’ve never actually felt this depressed my entire life. I cant sleep. Can’t eat at all. Don’t feel like getting out of bed or doing anything really that I normally would do. Just feel like **** right now. It just sucks. It’s hard for me to meet people like her that matched my personality and interests.
- JanetLv 72 months agoFavorite Answer
Think of this as being addicted, because the neurochemistry IS much the same. Your desire to kill yourself arises from feeling trapped by emotions you don't want to handle and don't want to accept. That doesn't mean you cannot learn or will not get over it. The more we panic, the more trapped we feel.
So you have become used to being in a relationship. She has now withdrawn that relationship, and you are suffering from “withdrawal symptoms”. These will be bad for the first 2 weeks and ALL you can do is accept that this is the adjustment process our brain goes through … and relax as much as you can, and and keep as busy as you can on other things.
After a couple of weeks, you should start to feel less hurt, and within 4-8 months be COMPLETELY over her. But ONLY if you do NOT dwell on the past. Now, you cannot stop thoughts of her from arising in your mind, but no thought signal lasts more than 90 seconds. And if it seems to last longer, that is only because as soon as the first signals is reabsorbed and ends, we immediately start a new, identical signal.
So YOUR task is to accept that this thought/emotion WILL last 90 seconds, but that YOU control whether or not you start a new one.
And DURING that 90 seconds, be very careful what you tell yourself. Any negative self-statements will only increase your habit of being unhappy. Statements like “this sucks”, like “I feel ****”, or “It’s so hard to meet people” … any kind of self-pity will strengthen your feelings of being a helpless victim who is doomed to misery. You create yourself by what you feed into your brain, and then your brain feeds it back as your feelings.
So every time you recognize that a thought of her has popped up, and refuse to feed negative self-statements, but instead just say “this is just part of the healing process” and then turn your mind to anything else .. well the more you do that, the sooner this will become your new habit. Instead of thinking about her, you will find that you think about her less and less and it hurts less and less .. until at some point you are completely over it.
It does NOT help that you rely on others to be happy or to feel that you have worth and value. That makes it harder to let go now.
And it does NOT help that you think that shared interests (things in common) create a lasting happy relationship … they are only 2% of what makes a relationship work. Share interests make for a fun friendship, but do NOT fix issues when issues inevitably arise.
And it does NOT help that you seek someone whose personality is similar to yours. While you may both understand each other, you both have the same personality flaws and the same weaknesses when it comes to building a lasting happy relationship. Opposites SHOULD attract.
As for being “in love”, this is not love and it is not lasting. It is only a temporary state of selfish attachment to how WE feel, accompanied with a “high” caused by temporary changes in our brain chemistry.
And psychology tells us that the stronger the “in love” is at the start, the worse our pain will be later on. Only happy people can make love grow and last, and love takes a couple of years to even START to grow. We never end up happier with someone, long-term, than we were happy before we met them. And if we were not happy before, we will end up even MORE unhappy once the infatuation phase has died out.
I certainly hope you take this to heart. You are doing everything wrong for finding inner happiness and happiness with other, and it is so unnecessary that it breaks my heart.
If you are not completely over her within 8 months talk with a therapist. In the meantime, everything is happening as normal after a breakup and you just have to weather it out and NOT cling to the past by dwelling on it. Life WILL give us things we don’t want, from time to time .. and getting upset only makes it worse. What we NEED to do is accept that sometimes “bad things happen” and then just relax about it. We will recover if we don’t hang on.
- LynnmarieLv 72 months ago
Please don't kill yourself. Read the New Testament. Start with the Gospel of John. Pray for God's will in your life. He loves you. Ask Jesus to save you. Follow Him as best you can.
- 2 months ago
These kind of betrayals are horrible. Heart break aren’t easy your emotionally hurt. Take time for your self and love your self until you are strong enough to make any permanent decision about this situation. Be bless
- wind_updollLv 72 months ago
People like her are common, not a rarity. That was a cruel move on her part, and you deserve better. Seek counseling and perhaps medication to get you through this, as this is exactly how we gain insight and wisdom. Successful happy people are those who have failed and moved on
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- VPR_0000Lv 42 months ago
Well, I hate to say it but it had to happen at some point. Heart break makes everyone more aware of what to look out for in the future. Go spend your time watching some winningwithwomen or Darius M Youtube videos, they'll set you straight on how to never get taken advantage of, and then you'll realize dating is pretty much a game with most people you meet anyways. You're only 27 and this is only one person out of seven billion in the world, and they're having this affect on you.. I look at it like this, if someone doesn't want to be with me, then so be it, nothing that I ever say will make that person want to be with me. you can't force someone to be with you, and you need to realize women are hypergamist anyways, they're opportunistic daters, they want the best deal at all times.. So if they see an upgrade, they're going for it. Don't feel bad, it literally happens to everyone, even if it doesn't seem like it. I went through the same thing you did, except I was with her for years, not just a short six months.. The best thing you can do at this very point in your life is best the best version of yourself. Go to the gym, focus on your goals in life, make more money, etc. That's your only option, because a year from now you don't want to look back and see that this girl you were only with for six short months has made you depressed longer than the actual relationship. And she'll be jealous of you anyways if you get your life together.. she'll be curious about you again when she sees you're doing better than she is.
to continue what I was saying about you can't force someone to like you.. My view is this.. Why would I want to like someone who doesn't like me anyways? That is so damn weak.. Women are NOT prizes, WE are the prizes.. They should be reaching out to us for our attention, love, leadership, etc. Do not put women on a pedestal or you will have a very hard life of women using you for whatever they want. Go into the relationship expecting nothing, and throughout the entire relationship you need to teeter on the edge of not expecting anything, so when something good does happen, you can be pleasantly surprised, but at least you'll never be gravely disappointed. At the end of the day, women are only here to enhance our already great lives, they're not here to make us happy. I made the mistake of thinking I needed a woman to BE happy, but then you start to realize oh **** if she makes me happy.. and we stay together for 30+ years... what happens when she dies on me, or if she dies earlier than expected? Do I go back to being unhappy? I didn't want to look at relationships like that and I didn't want to be dependent on a woman for my own happiness, so I learned that relationships are just to enhance the life, not make you happy.
And then I went further and started to realize that I have no life to bring a woman into anyways(I'm a year younger than you). I realized I don't have my own house yet, I have a car from the last millennium, and my job isn't bad at all, but everything is not there yet.. I have no life to bring a woman into so why am I so worried about dating instead of making my life the best it can be without a woman first? About three months ago I had a realization that I can be independent and have my own house/nice car before I even worry about a woman, and that gave me the encouragement to wake up every single day and jump out of bed with excitement.. I stopped thinking about "I need to find a woman so we can build a life together and go 50/50 on rent/outings and everything will be great"..now I'm just motivated by independence and the feeling is great.
Hope you feel better soon, remember its only temporary for as long a you allow it to be.
- 2 months ago
I know the feeling I make huge mistake something like that . and I wish could take back when someone was walking behide I guses make mistake off hit her on the head neaty a self on with dvd's off I was trying to get over something I try not do it when two people came out the flants til thay but one at side watching me I try then she stat yelling at me I said trying wait for someone I guses I been making a few mistakes in my life letting someone I like them when the ferce I don't think like that then when someone came in the toilet when pass on info, I just hope I don't meet my hero and I sceaw his dad that talk I could don't want arounder.
- 2 months ago
Lol - Pleasure and pain are the same.
Why do you think Adam and Eve are being destroyed?
- DzeLv 72 months ago
dude theres plenty of women out there, if your like me theres someone like that in every town across the country lol ... 'not' worth it ... not over that, man the fck up lol, she was a filthy hooker that did you dirty .. dont be on the receiving end next time ....