bfs roomates have been a bad influence?

Me(20f) has been having issues with my(21M) boyfriend. Since the quarantine, I've realized he's a pushover and tends to do any bidding that his 3 roommates(one being his sister)want or need him to do. These are just some examples of what has occurred: He has let his roommate use some of our sexually intimate things, he let them drink my full bottle of Jack Daniels, and finally, he will drive them around anytime they want while they are high or tripping(I am not cool with drug use). I've been second-guessing our relationship again, because I know if I stay with him, I will have to see the roommates regularly. It has become an issue to the point that I am very certain that he would choose to stay with them rather than starting a life and getting an apartment together. The roommates have been wishy-washy and sometimes condescending towards me, despite my tries to be as friendly as possible.

To top this off, I am looking into going to mortuary school in the spring of 2021, which is a good two hours from where he lives currently. I suggested getting an apartment in a town that is in between both so he can hopefully go to his college of choice, as well as mine. Rather, he shoots me down, telling me he wants to continue with his 'music career' with his fellow roommates and wants to live right down the road from them. I am aware that we are young and I love him enough to let him go and decide what he wants to do, but he never gives me a straight answer.

3 Answers

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago
    Favorite Answer

    From what you are saying, I think your concerns about your boyfriend are justified. Your boyfriend appears to have confidence issues and struggles to think for himself. As a result, he often gives into his friends in order to be accepted. My advice would be to not directly tell him not to associate with these friends or he will only become more resistant. Instead I would focus on getting him away from thee bad influences by planning for things for the both of you to do. Think about it: if he is around you more then he won't be around these people and that means you will have the chance to influence him for the better.

    When you do go out with him, what you want to do is build up his self-esteem. The reason why he gives into these friends is because he doesn't have any self confidence and therefore relies on others to prop him up. Therefore, doing things like talking about his potential, how talented he could be, what he can achieve in life are all great ways of making him feel like he can be something more than what he currently is. Furthermore, focus on telling him how happy he makes you when he acts all independent. Remember, males often have a strong ego and like to think of themselves as providers who make their girlfriends happy. Therefore, if you let your bf know how he can do this, he will likely listen to you. I really hope this has helped :)

    • ...Show all comments
    • Olivia2 months agoReport

      Thank you so much Rebecca, I do not want to be a burden, but the offer means a lot to me :) please stay safe during these times 

    • Commenter avatarLogin to reply the answers
  • 2 months ago

    If it were me, he’d be gone from my life.

    This is not a roommate issue, it’s a boyfriend issue.

    • Commenter avatarLogin to reply the answers
  • 2 months ago

    So you need to break up with him.

    Look, dear, that's his personality. Telling him he's a pushover, isn't going to give him a spine!

    • Commenter avatarLogin to reply the answers
Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.