Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 11 months ago

Mother in law bought other grandkids swing set, wants my husband to unload it and build it?

My husband's mother purchased a swing set for her daughter's children.

She wants my husband to unload it from a freight truck because she didn't pay for proper delivery or look into the process.

My own children don't have a swing set because of this exact issue. We don't have proper help to unload it, we don't want to get hurt, our work schedules get in the way, and we live in a coronavirus hotspot.

So she bought a swingset for one set of grandkids and not another set. And she wants the parents of the set who didn't get one to do the work to get it delivered and put together. And she doesn't care about our work schedules at all. She also used my husband's dead father to manipulate him by saying he would have figured it out.

Am I wrong to be utterly furious?

Update:

I didn't put this prevalently enough:

WE LIVE IN A CORONAVIRUS HOTSPOT. NYC. We did not get our own kids a swingset because we weren't comfortable with unloading it from the truck and it's not a one or two person job.

Update 2:

Yes, the swingset will be at my husband's sister's house. Totally different if it was at my mother in law's house and there wasn't 500 people a day dying in my area.

Update 3:

I think my rage was anxiety/fury about the pandemic combined with severe ongoing issues with MIL's boundaries and expectations. I am furious that my MIL would want my husband to potentially be exposed to Coronavirus for such a frivolous thing that isn't even for our kids. That was my point about it not being for us. I am not jealous, but we had planned to get a playset for our 3 year olds. We are waiting because we are responsibly quarantining. I haven't seen MY extended family in over 6 weeks.

37 Answers

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  • 10 months ago
    Favorite Answer

    Okay, I get it  I read your updates.

    I don't blame you for your feelings. You can't unload that shipment for yourselves and resent being volunteered to do it for someone else...in the midst of a killer virus in a hot spot!

    Saying no is an easy three step answer.

    1) Mirror the request.

    2) Say "no"

    3) Suggest another solution.

    FOR EXAMPLE:

    Hubby needs to step in and say "I realize your order needs to be unloaded. No mom, I cannot even do that for myself, nevermind for someone else. Pay for the white glove service or have sister pay for it".

    IF MOM DOES NOT TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER, THEN SHE IS TRYING TO MANIPULATE AND CONTROL YOU!  Do not allow yourselves to be drawn into a discussion defending your answer. Just repeat the answer. Do not even use covid 19 as one of your reasons because mama will surely let you know when the covid danger is over to unload that shipment! 

    Stick to your guns. And hubby needs to stand up to his mama buy using words like "we, us and our", as to show that you and he are united.

    Good luck

  • 10 months ago

    Remember, "No" is a complete sentence, and requires no explanation or justification.

  • Anonymous
    10 months ago

    I think fury is a strong word.  I also think your husband should resolve issues with his mother.

    Or you can tell her what you just told us.

    You do come off as jealous whether  you are or not.  Is this about unloading the swing set OR is it about why his sister's children got a swing set and yours didn't?

  • 10 months ago

    Yes, you have a right to be furious. Your m-i-l is infuriatingly manipulative. (Not to mention she's playing favorites.)  So here's what you do:  YOU SAY NO.  Sorry--you're not available. Sorry--you're not leaving home to do this. Sorry--if your MIL wants her grandkids to have a swingset, she'll have to figure out how to get it to them herself. 

    So what if she uses your husband's dead father? He's not around to dispute it, is he? Ignore her proclamations and say NO NO NO NO NO. And you keep saying no until she gets it. 

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  • 10 months ago

    My MIL was like that. For some reason some women have/show more interest in daughter's children than the children of a son. I think the thinking is 'You know who your mother is, but not your father.'  

  • 10 months ago

    You need to put that ho in her place or she’s going to keep stepping on your toes. 

  • 11 months ago

    how could she buy a swing set and ur kids not get to play on if IF yall visit..

    I think ur selfish and gelous to be worried about this. that woman pushed ur hubs outta her cooch, why cant yall go help her? stop finding ever excuse int he book and go be nice! YES ur worng to be utterly furious, its not like she asked yall to come drink a gallon of COVID 19..

  • 11 months ago

      It makes me so sad how some women think they "own" their husbands... they think they have a right to tell their husbands "stay away from your mother" "don't dare to do anything for your mother"... Are these women out of their minds? I have witnessed this horrible attitude in my own family.. How would YOU like it if your husband demanded you to stay away from your parents or siblings ?

    Also, as people get older  we are supposed to  stop being so materialist... why does it matter if she didn't get a swing set for your kinds? has it occurred you that she doesn't have enough money to buy 2 swing suits? or maybe last time she got your kids a nice present and didn't get any present for her other grand kids.. 

    If a man truly loves his mother, he isn't going to allow his wife to tell him to stay away from her nor is he going to allow his wife to tell him to not do any favors for her. ... Again, does your husband think he has any right to tell you to not do any favors for your parents or siblings? I doubt it. 

    Now if you guys live in New York, New Jersey or Michigan then maybe he should wait a few weeks to  unload it and built it .

    Please be kind to your husband's mother.

  • 11 months ago

    Sorry you got that kind of MIL. How about asking your husband to tell her that he will help unload and assemble your kids' swing set with some help from his sibling, then help sibling assemble the other set. Is your guy's mother senile?

  • 11 months ago

    You're justified (in my opinion), in being upset and angry, but how does that help your situation?

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