Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Education & ReferenceOther - Education · 5 months ago

Is this a good way to start my essay off ? Should I add more before after legal ? This is an argumentative essay btw?

Abortion is a medical procedure to remove an embryo or fetus from the uterus to end a pregnancy. Many people feel that abortion should be banned, while others think that it should be legal. Women should have every right to decide whether if she will keep or terminate the fetus because it can cause many health problems, some women are forced to terminate their pregnancy due to their religion, and some women decide to terminate their pregnancy due to physical abuse

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  • 5 months ago

    No. Line 1 is too hardcore (plus, most people know what an abortion is). Line 2 "some do, some don't" can be used with any controversy, so a wasted line. Line 3 "should have every right" sounds weak when first encountered. "Keep the fetus" is not a good phrase. "keep the baby" is much more acceptable. Line 3 takes on too much. rarely does pregnancy cause MANY health problems. (plus, we have doctors to get women throw the rough spots - like gestational diabetes). P S What religion forces women to get an abortion ?? ... physical abuse is rarely a reason.

  • 5 months ago

    You've pretty much said everything. What are you going to say in the rest of the essay? Your first two sentences are fine. Then you need a thesis statement that sets out what you're going to support in the rest of the essays- something like "The reasons women choose to have abortions include health problems, religious reasons, and personal issues." Then you can spend a paragraph on each of those reasons. 

  • edward
    Lv 7
    5 months ago

    You’ve defined abortion. That’s all you’ve done here. The opening should include that and at least three reasons why (for a normal essay). One opening, three body paragraphs and one closing. What i’m getting is that you are pro-choice...same but why is that your stance on the subject?

  • 5 months ago

    The thesis (opening statement) is where you discuss the topic at hand you will be discussing, a brief sypnosis about where you stand on it, as well as how you plan to lay out the evidene that supports your stance on it. Think of it like a court hearing where both sides present their opening statements, each side wants to capativate their audicence, that's YOUR goal here with any essay.

    You really haven't done a good job here- All you have done so far is define what an abortion is, but you have failed to provide the argument that you will be discussing, which side you believe in, or how you plan to go about using fact based evidence to support your opinion. The people reading your essay already know what abortion is, they really don't need a 411 of what the meaning of it is!

    You didn't say how long your essay was supposed to be ! A standard essay should look like this in length:

    1- Opening Statement (2-3 paragraphs)

    2- Evidence based portion (majority of your essay, the more evidence you put in, the stronger your argument looks)

    3- Closing statment (2-3 paragraphs)- Similar to opening, but done to give a final summary.

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  • Anonymous
    5 months ago

    You have added some things in the opening that should be saved for the main portion of the essay.

    Remember, a good essay opens the topic (introduction paragraph)  - enhances the topic (usually two to three paragraphs discussing the topic)  - then has a closing statement on the topic.  (one final paragraph that sums up the topic) 

    This feels like you have tried to cram all those things into an opening statement.  

    But - since this isn't a real essay and you are only trolling to get people's responses to your topic - it doesn't matter anyway.  

    Your language skills shows a level of writing skills that is comparable to a junior high student and I really doubt that a 12 to 14 year old is writing about abortion.

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