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Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 2 months ago

What's your view on fathers/husbands who work all the time?

I don't want to start any arguments, 

And I know this can work for some families, I don't have kids yet and neither me or my husband work a job like that.. but we had a conversation spawning from the fact his father was absent and a detective causing his parents divorce..

My view is that if you work a job that basically means you're out all the time and only back to sleep and at crazy hours having a family is selfish because yes you're earning all the money and yes you're busy all the time but they're the ones missing you, you don't have that much time to be sad.. but the kids and your partner have all day you can't expect them to be all happy and it is NOT selfish to want a divorce, in my opinion it's more selfish to have the job and the family because that's all you want at their expense with the added "how dare you hate me for doing my job"... in my opinion your role as a parent means more than your role at work.. and if it doesn't then parenting isn't for you..All I know is you see it in movies, and I see it in my husband he is servery messed up.. With childhood trauma because his dad WASN'T there..missed out on his ball games and school shows etc and he felt unloved and.. His wife attempted suicide because she felt unloved.. and finally filed for divorce.. yes physical abuse is worse I have suffered that myself but from what I can see what a parent DOESN'T do is just as impactful on their kids.

17 Answers

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  • 2 months ago

    "I don't want to start any arguments." Posted to a Yahoo Answers forum...

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  • lkl
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    I'm speak as someone that has been married a long time, a senior citizen who we didn't marry at a young age. My husband and I got to know each other very well before marriage. We wouldn't live together but, we planned our marriage, wrote down our dreams for our marriage w/ many goals. With 2 very demanding careers, a workaholic boyfriend tuned fiance turned husband. We knew what we wanted in life. He knew I would spend some days at my job at times from 5a.m. to 5pm just as I knew he would be working all day at his career 7 days a week. 

    My spouse has been away traveling weekly for years. I had opportunities to always travel with him. 

    Life throws you curveballs. I had to give up my work when I got ill and never did I complain about 126 hour work weeks. My job has been to support his career and not bother him while he's working even if it's in home office. My husband is the reason why I am able to still be alive, my income is very small. We commingled finances since we got engaged. We both brought in our roles our assets emotionally to one another. We have been so very blessed.

    We had planned on adopting a first grader and I got ill enough that I knew we couldn't take care of a child.

    We all have had such vast experiences. Pain, sorrow, as long as you work together, relish every moment and love each other and stay tuned into marriage things will be alright. I've been behind my husband as he became who he is through his career. We shared everything together. Please be happy and may peace be in all of our hearts.

    Sincerely, lkl

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  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    Well just my 2 cents but sometimes husbands/fathers use work as an excuse to not have responsibilities with their spouse/children. I know when we first had kids my husband suddenly picked up extra work. He wasn’t fooling me. He just didn’t want to come home to the chaos of crying babies and have any responsibilities of being a father other than what he wanted to do. I lost a lot of respect for him

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  • 2 months ago

    Easy losers duh

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  • 2 months ago

    Jesus woman, you are extremely immature. Get a job like an adult, stop sitting a home Like A kid and then whine that your partner you a making into second dad doesn’t play with you instead of going to work. Kids shouldn’t sit at home either, they need kindergarten fir healthy development. Otherwise they never learn how to stand own groud and speak up.

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  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    my father was like that, he didnt have much choice, he had to support all of us

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  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    My former husband was a workaholic. He took great pride in his dedication to work and expected me to be happy with that, as he was a good provider. The thing was, I never shopped for expensive things, we did not vacation or overspend on big ticket items. I am far from a high maintence wife. I cut my own hair, painted my own nails and despise high priced designer bags and clothing. We could have lived happily with less income.

    But, the excessive working hours was just a symptom of a larger problem. He used work as an excuse to be gone 6 days a week..then on Sundays off, he just wanted to relax and do nothing. Ugh! My husband had intimacy problems..not to be confused with sex [no issues there]. He used work to avoid family time because he had problems relating to people and  being a hands on father and husband, due to his own dysfunctional childhood.

    It was seen, in his eyes  to be an honorable man to work hard. He put his business and customers before his wife and children, always. I got tired of living my life solo. Going to weddings alone, going to parties alone, being forced to arrive late and leave early when he finally found the time to participate in anything he chose to attend. 

    I could not believe I could be so alone, while married. I figured if I was basically living alone, I may as well be alone. So, after 16 years and two children later, sadly, I divorced him after five years of extinguishing every Avenue to save my marriage.

    I have moved on. It has been 23 years and he has not dated one woman, nor has he stopped working like a slave.

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  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    "I don't want to start any arguments"

    What?!  You're not really asking a question here, you're ranting and giving your opinion.  So this reads as if you don't want any disagreement, which is pretty silly.  I don't disagree with a lot of what you said, but not all situations are black and white.  I know a family where the dad works 60 hours a week, but he has 2 kids with medical needs - one is sick and the other was in a bad car wreck.  My own dad was never available during weekday events I had, but even then I understood his job was what gave me food, not to mention paying for all the lessons and other stuff his kids wanted.  We're all happy, healthy adults.

    • Donna2 months agoReport

      The question is in the title 

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  • Bryan
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    I tend to agree that the father needs to be around as much as possible to participate in parenting. Of course how much the parents are around has to be balanced with earning a living. How much money is "enough" is something you and your husband have to figure out.

    I have a friend who took a different path from mine...he is retired and I soon will be. He made really good money and is proud to say whatever his kids needed there was always money for it. However, he also regrets how much time he spent working and all the sporting events, school plays etc that he missed.

    I was on that same path early on, but got off of it because I wanted to be around for all that stuff. We were fortunate to always have "enough" money but we will never be really well off. However, I got to see my kids grow up into good solid, adults. I think I made the right choice for my family.

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  • Mark
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    Not really a good idea.  Not only are they missing out on their kids, the wife may get fed up.  Many divorces are a result of this very thing.  Not to mention, it's bad for the overworker's health, especially if he says something like "all I need is coffee to get through." Coffee is fine, but using ANY kind of drug (and yes, caffeine is a drug) "to stay alert" indicates an addiction.

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