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Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 2 months ago

My dad and I got into a huge fight and I don’t know how to handle it?

My dad has always been very controlling to the point where I am 19 and had a 9:30 curfew, he made me give him my phone at night, he had a tracking app on me that notified him when I got someplace and when I left someplace as well, and I had to ask permission to do literally anything, amongst other thing. Mind you, I’ve never been one to make decisions that broke their trust. I get good grades, am paying for my college completely out of pocket, I’ve never smoked anything, never drank anything, never been to a real party. I decided to move out so that I could be an adult and have independence. I had my own bank account but my parents had access to it. I asked them to remove themselves from the account when I moved out and apparently they did not because I got a text from my dad yesterday telling me that he’s been tracking my spending. I told him that I was going to make a new bank account because I’m on my own and there is no reason for him to have access to my money. He’s always been very rude and demeaning and this conversation is a great example. He proceeded to respond with “why don’t you for once in your life not be an impulsive little b****”and “you’re an irresponsible, worthless little c**t” along with many other demeaning comments. I love my dad but he has always been this way, to the point where I have lived my entire life and made every decision to make sure that I don’t disappoint him and that he does not get mad at me. I’m tired and don’t know what to do. 

22 Answers

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  • lover
    Lv 4
    1 month ago

    dont tell any strong word

    be youself, have your account and home too, 

    just wait and time will tell him, he is wrong.

    havent told where is your father from, 

    western people accept your behavior, other dont...

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  • Jane
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Firstly sort out material separation from your father eg. open a new bank account in your name only and move all your details to this, close your old account, make sure any other accounts such as your phone is in your name. After this is assured, you can begin to move on with your life. Next, focus on your own ambitions, college, getting work, enjoying friends, your own interests. Start to separate from your dominant father and his abusive behaviour and you will begin to find yourself.In time, you may find a way to get back to your family roots and a sense of belonging to yourself,however you may have to cut off from your father's toxic mind at least for a while.

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  • Good
    Lv 6
    2 months ago

    What you do is tell him you will talk to him again when he gives you an apology to your satisfaction and begins to treat you respectfully like he would any other adult.  Then stick to what you said.

    If he is half a man, he will think about how he has caused you to feel the way you do.  He is the one with the problem, not you.

    .

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  • 2 months ago

    Your dad is a terrible person and a bully and you deserve better. You sound like a parent's dream. He should give you way more credit and more independence. Open your own bank account, find somewhere else to stay and save to get your own place, and try to get a new phone and whatever you do don't give them your phone number. Also don't worry about your dad getting mad at you honestly he sounds very miserable and i really believe from how it sounds that there's nothing that will make that man happy because misery loves company and he sounds very miserable. Also good for you for paying for your own school that's really responsible and it's amazing most kids don't do that. You're doing really good in life regardless of what your dad or anyone else says. Hope this helps and good luck don't let him bring you down!

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  • 2 months ago

    You dad is a bully.

    Do open your own bank account.

    Stay away from your parents for now. 

    Stop trying to please him. Nothing you do is good enough for HIM. He is not worth your endless effort to please him because nothing you do is good enough.

    Your mom is likely afraid of him and complies to conform to what he wants. So, she is probably another one of his victims  like you are.

    How you ha dle it is to act like an adult and tell him if he does not stop being a bully  you will cut off contact. 

    Just because he is your father does not mean he has a free ticket to call you names and spy on your finances.

    Grow a backbone and stand up for yourself because your mom is too scared to defend you.

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  • 2 months ago

    Please please please call an abuse hotline somewhere and talk to a counselor. You are being abused. 

    You are a legal adult. If you left, no one would be able to drag you back. But that is going to take more strength than you currently have. And you don't have resources. 

    So you need to find out how to GET resources. Your father is keeping you literally locked up, and controlling everything you earn and do. THAT'S ABUSE. Call for help. Because the answer you get here will not be enough or complete and you need more help than that. 

    And know this: you can love someone who abuses you. In fact, that's how they are ABLE to abuse you--through your sense of obligation and love for them. But you do NOT have to endure their abuse, no matter how much you love them. Calling a hotline and talking to someone who's got a handle on what you can do in your area is essential. I pray you'll do it soon before he decides to physically back up his meanness.  I know you're tired--who wouldn't be? But you need to find the courage to stand up to him and take back your life. 

    I'll be praying for you to succeed. I've been there--and I know how hard it is. I also know you can do it. 

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  • ron h
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    well written, easy to sympathize and empathize.   a B+ for technique, probably a C for concept.

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  • 2 months ago

    You know perfectly well what you need to do, but just haven't done it yet.  Taking responsibility for yourself is hard in the beginning because you habitually have relied on your parents for everything.  Yes, sure you have taken on more and more responsibilities as you have grown, but certain things are just easier to leave up to Mom and Dad and/or you aren't yet conscious of those details.  Opening up your own bank account is step two.  Step one is to stop relying on Dad to do stuff and do it for yourself instead.  Once you accomplish that the way to overcome your issues with Dad only requires one step.  You just stop telling him about every decision you make disallowing him to pass judgement.  It is a lot harder than it sounds because we all innately still seek approval from our parents no matter how old we get.

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  • 2 months ago

    Move out..... you are nineteen.

    Peace.

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  • 2 months ago

    As long as you let your dad act that way, you are enabling his behavior. Get your own bank account, don't share too much information with him, and when he criticizes you in that way, say, "I'm going to hang up now" or "I'm going to leave now," and do so. Do not inform your dad or anyone who will inform him of the choices you are making. If he gets nasty, don't tolerate it. After awhile, he'll learn. You may love him, but you don't have to like him or respect him.

    • Dr. Stephanie
      Lv 7
      2 months agoReport

      I absolutely agree with this !

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