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My Boyfriend Takes Forever to Get Anything Done For Me, but Steps up Quickly to Help a Stranger or Friend?

My boyfriend and I are already on the rocks.  We've been together for 12months, and the Corona pandemic, has really helped us see that we're just not compatible. There is 1 odd behavior that he exhibited to me over the past year, that I don't understand and hope someone could shed some light on?

We were friends for 2 years, before we dated. We're avid road cyclists, and he would offer to fix my bike for me, when I needed a new cassette, etc, and would get it done fast. Once we began dating though, his reliability, in helping me fix anything went way down. The derailleur went on my bike in July, and I went without my good road bike for 6 weeks, in the middle of cycling season. He assured me that he wanted to get it done, and kept apologizing for not doing it. Meanwhile, all of my cycling buddies (90% men), kept getting defensive when I told them that he still hadn't fixed it, saying that I need to get my bike to a real mechanic and dump him, because that long of a wait was unacceptable. Only after I had literally started dragging my bike out the door 3 times, to take to a shop, did my BF actually get to fixing it. 

There have been a few additional cases of something similar happening since, which he just never gets around to for me. 

If a stranger or a friend asks for help, due to his mechanic experience, he gets it done right away, just as he did for me before we dated.

What causes him to drag his feet, like this, for the person who he says is the most important to him (me)? 

2 Answers

  • 2 months ago

    I should probably add that I don't expect my boyfriend to be my personal handy man. He offers to fix things, like my bicycle, when maintenance is needed. In fact he's gotten very upset when he finds out that I've gotten services done by another mechanic. I cook, shop, and run errands for him all of the time (he rarely, if ever has done that for me). In addition, I'd like to add that I always reimburse him, up front, for parts and labor (he does charge me a little less for labor than most shops would).

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  • 2 months ago

    I don't understand the notion that a boyfriend is supposed to fix your stuff, do you favors, be your "guy around the house". It may be annoying as all get out that he isn't/doesn't but if it's a requirement of the position.. get that settled upfront. I rode a bike as my sole mode of transportation throughout my 20's (great choice) and there would have been no chance I'd have gone without it for 6 weeks waiting for someone else to be in charge of the situation!

    If he isn't cutting it for you, then break up. If he is cutting it for you but isn't your personal handyman... that's information for you to have going forward.

    • HJeanB2 months agoReport

      I don't expect him to be my handyman. He always offers to help, and has actually seemed kind of upset when I go service someplace else. Plus, I always pay him for parts and labor (although he does charge me less than a regular mechanic would).  

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