Gf says she has zero sex drive, do any guys/ girls have any experience or advice?
To paint you all a very quick picture:
We’ve been going out for 5 years
Met at uni - lived together 1st, 2nd, not 3rd, 4th and now just us to at the start of the 5th.
Sex up until the 3rd living arrangement was dandy, lots of it, experimental, fun, no awkwardness.
Then when we lived apart, roughly 3 hours due to me working for a year, we saw less of each other and she was very down because of her flat mates. But every time we saw each other she would think that if we had sex it was forced because we don’t see each other that often that’s the only time we can and that’s when the awkwardness started.
But every since living together again it’s been very different, she’s started to be really insecure in herself and her sexuality, not very confident and always saying she feels awkward having sex.
Ive tried suggesting loads of possible ways and maybe it gets better but then it goes back to being crap, I’m talking months... everything else in the relationship is perfect and she’s always talking about the future, houses, dogs etc etc so if she didn’t fancy me or want to have sex then why would she stay with me?
Anyone had anything similar and did you get over it? I’m thinking I should let her know that I can’t go on like this for ever, but a “we will have a great sex life or it’s over” probably isn’t gonna get her in the mood..
- 2 months ago
I wish my boyfriend was this desperate to have sex with me like this. I'm 30 and we had sex every time we met once we were together. We were friends for over 1-year before we were in a relationship. After just over one-month of being in a romantic relationship, he suddenly stopped having sex with me, and wouldn't respond whenever I tried to obviously initiate. Eventually he began giving me harsh rejections whenever I tried initiating, which was humiliating to me, and after so many tries I gave up. After months of no sex, he would bring up our lack of sex in any argument and basically stated that he had been holding off on sex only because he was waiting for me to bring the topic up, to prove that I could be an effective communicate in our relationship. I would tell him how much I missed sex and would do anything, and he'd calm down and say that he was happy I talked with him about it and that things would get better. Well, they never did and there was still no sex, and he'd use the same argument. Eventually, I left the relationship, because I saw how he had started using me as his sugar-mama (getting him groceries, etc, since he didn't work), and was using the L-word (love) and with-holding sex as a form of manipulation. If he really loved me he would have had sex with me, but I sadly came to realize that he didn't, and that he was a covert narcissist (which is why he was super smart, seemed caring, but never had any lasting relationships when he was in his 40s).
Anyhow, that was just me still kind of mourning from the loss of my relationship and lack of sex. To answer your question though, start just talking one night and rubbing her back with no pressure to have sex. A back rub for awhile can really get a girl to relax, and if she seems to be loosening up, try kissing her on the back of the neck then. From my experience, and other woman friends of mine, that really seems to work. Just try to be patient and genuine.
- Alan HLv 72 months ago
You say you are at the start of the current year together, yet say that the sex has not been good for months during that time. Both cannot be true. Are you getting things out of perspective? Is your relationship primarily sexual? If so, it will flag: talk things through, spend more quality time doing other things together.
If all else fails, seek counselling
- DickLv 72 months ago
My first wife lost her sex drive. We spent years, and a lot of money trying to fix her. She eventually moved out to live with her boyfriend(s). I had a live in, that lost her interest in sex too. When she went to live with her GF, it seemed to be a cure. I don't think there is any long term cure. Find new sex partners. You can spend a lot of time and money, but nothing else will actually work.
- WaterdragonLv 72 months ago
Have you thought of romancing her??? Showing you care about her not just sex. Show her she is desirable wanted and appreciated. Things that guys normally dont see as romantic. Washing up helping with chores without being asked. Massage her feet or back with no expectations of sex. Little gifts that may seem silly to others but mean a lot to each of you. Talk to her listen to her
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- OrlaLv 42 months ago
If you're cool with that no problem. If you want sex get another gf.
- Anonymous2 months ago
it's not just the sex, i'm pretty sure the relationship has just run its course and it's dying out.... maybe after 5 years, you should have proposed already....
- seedy historyLv 72 months ago
I'm sorry you are unhappy with your girlfriend. Is there any possible chance that loads of experiments and suggestions over-weighed any feelings of cherish and thankfulness for her affections? I don't know what's up between you two but I do know that if a woman starts to feel as if she's not good enough and that's an underlying theory in sex and sexual communication then she can totally shut down about sex.