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Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 2 months ago

Am I overreacting ?

So my husband told me that he hasn’t been watching porn but last night I found out he was on a porn website he has a history of doing this and whenever I confront him about it he always denies it and says he stopped and he asks me why don’t I trust him it’s not exactly the porn the bothers me it’s the fact that he has to lie to me over and over again when it’s obvious that he’s still doing it this is the 6th time that’s he’s lied about it I even tell him if you tell me the truth I won’t be upset but he continues to lie again it’s not the porn I’m mad about it’s the lying like why won’t be just admit it ?

10 Answers

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  • 2 months ago

    Just show him the history on the computer and then let him try and deny it.

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  • 2 months ago

    "...why won’t be just admit it ?" Perhaps he is just embarrassed about looking at porn.

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  • 2 months ago

    Possibly he has been lying since he receives a negative response from you when you find out about his porn habit?  I'm not excusing his lying. But there are lots of men (and some women) who habitually watch porn. Does it interfere with your marriage in any way? If so, that's what needs addressing. If not,can you live with this in an otherwise compatible relationship? Instead of lying , and angry confrontations, how about truthful communication and discussion between the two of you...either alone or with the help of a marriage counselor.

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  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    We all are well aware that my father in law, even my mother in law, spends a lot of time staring at porn sites on his cell phone. Yet, he's denied it. He's not being unfaithful and he loves his wife, and only her. Our guess is he is ashamed. He doesn't want to disappoint his wife, but he also doesn't want to stop looking at this stuff. Maybe it's the same or similar with your husband. The more you push him on it, the worse he feels. Sex is a huuuuuuuuuuuuuge thing for men. He might not ever stop denying it.. in my opinion, the only thing you can do is stop pushing him on it especially since you say his actually looking at the porn doesn't bother you.

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  • RP
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    If you haven't explained this to him, you should. Once you've warned him that the problem is not the porn, but his lies, if he continues then you have a more serious problem. He needs to understand lies undermine trust. When trust goes, any marriage is failing.

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  • 2 months ago

    “If you tell me the truth I won’t be upset “

    It’s obvious that’s a lie.  He lies about it because you make it such a big issue.  Is he choosing porn over actual sex with you?  Is it causing him to neglect other responsibilities?  Maybe you should just step back, take a breath, and find something significant to worry about.

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    • Hurricain
      Lv 7
      2 months agoReport

      Constantly on his phone and ignoring his family is a legit complaint.  You should make that the issue, not lying about looking at porn.

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  • 2 months ago

    He’s probably super bored with your viguane.  After all it’s not the center of the world.

    Cut your dude some slack and let him beat his meat every once in a while without you throwing a fit 

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  • Happy
    Lv 5
    2 months ago

    Why would you ever bring it up in the first place if it didn’t bother you?? Wives that try mind control over their husbands should never expect the truth. You sound like a controlling, insecure person that will eventually ruin the relationship. Good luck with your manipulation and mind control tactics. I feel sorry for him, you sound like a a real pill.

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  • 2 months ago

    Probably bc he's ashamed and just doesn't want to admit it to you and disappoint you. Tell him what you told us: "I'm not mad at you for watching it, I'm mad that you're not telling me the truth. The porn doesn't matter, what bothers me is that you aren't honest about watching it. If you just admit you watched it, I won't be angry and will drop the subject. I want us to be honest and up front in our marriage about everything."

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  • n2mama
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    I can’t say if you’re overreacting or not, but I do think the reason he lies is because he doesn’t want to face your reaction if he’s truthful. You say it isn’t really about the porn, but I’m guessing you’ve let him know if the past that you don’t approve of porn or feel it’s cheating or it makes you insecure or something. As a result of that, he doesn’t feel he can be honest with you about his porn usage. I’m curious as to how you find out and catch him in these lies. Are you snooping on his computer or phone? Because that’s a trust violation too, and probably contributes to the lies and ongoing issues.

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