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How do I nicely deny having sex with my hubby ?

I know that it’s not nice to deny you’re husband sex but he literally needs it like almost every day. The only time that I don’t have it is when I’m on my period or the last time I was closer to due date with pregnancy and even than we had sex while pregnant which I believe you can still. But the thing is I have 2 baby’s one is 1 year old and the other is 2 and it gets overwhelming and tiring after I cook , clean the house etc the last thing sometimes I wanna do is just lay down and relax but he don’t understand it. There are days that I am of course not tired but I feel like the kids ware me out, and he still constantly will ask me. And we have talked about this and he told me that I’m his husband and he has a need and he always needs to relax with me but surly he don’t understand that I’m like almost dead. How do I make it clear and talk and explain nicely again so he understand me ?

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  • David
    Lv 6
    2 months ago
    Favorite Answer

    OK, listen closely.

    Men view sex differently than women do. Men and women both get physical and emotional pleasure out of sex. But for men...sex is the only way they feel really loved. You can tell a man "I love you" a thousand times, and he will enjoy hearing that. But he won't feel "in love" unless he's having sex with you, frequently. By frequently, I am talking about once a day at least. Several times a day every day is better.

    Now obviously, there are very few women who can keep up with that demand for sex several times a day, every day. However...

    To deny sex to your husband is literally a form of emotional abuse. Especially if you are saying "NO" more than you are saying "YES".

    I read a magazine article that described it best. Imagine you are a baby, say 12 - 18 months old. You can't speak yet, you can only cry. You are crying for your mother because you are lonely and you want her to pick you up. Your mother sees you and hears you, but she ignores you and does not pick you up. If your mother treats you like that on a regular basis, you can be emotionally scarred for life.

    But the interesting thing is, if a woman denies sex to her boyfriend or husband...it has the EXACT same effect on the man as if he was a little baby crying for his mother to pick him up, but he's being deliberately ignored by his mom...

    If you refuse sex often enough, you are literally damaging your husband's mental health. Are you so tired that you don't care if your husband goes insane? Are you REALLY???????

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    • Nickname
      Lv 4
      2 months agoReport

      Among other negative consecenses.so going insane and ptsd is actually from sex again. Sex is an emotional abuse, not a lack of it. Good loving relationships have no place for sex

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  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    Tell him to get his stinky cheese dick outta here.

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  • 2 months ago

    Wow, It sounds like your guy is a sex addict.  It is hard to find a partner who has the same sex drive.  Usually they are close. One wants it 2-3 times a week.  and the other wants it 3-4 times a week.  If the difference is too far a part, most relationships do not last.  Like a person who wants it once a week or 3 times a month and one who wants it 5 times a week.  I like sex, and there has been moments, with my girlfriends where we were both in some kind of dog heat.  where we had sex everyday and some times 2-3 times a day.  But that usually lasted a week or two.  Now with you, you should have had a talk with your husband, sometimes if you are not in the mood, too tired, you can say no.  You should have a talk with your husband, to help more around the house, to take some of the stress off you.  From doing his own laundry, and as a father, maybe come home early once in a while and he takes care of the kids and you go take a nap.  Also it sounds like you are heavy in the mother and wife mode.  and light or not at all in the woman or self.  I believe,  men and women need to enrich them self by spending time with friends, and family, doing something just for you.  It could be as simple as singing karaoke, going to a writing group.  Watching a football game with the boys, or going to a wine tasting with the girls.  These rejuvenate, the rest of our lives.  With you having kids taking care of the house, and maybe working part time.  Your husband need to know how you feel. And know sometimes you are too stressed or tired to have sex.  It is not a bad thing for him to once in a while masturbate when you are tired.   My parents had 10 kids.  I think that was why my mom got a subscription of playboy for my dad.  I think he wanted it more then she could handle with raising 10 kids.  One thing I know as a man, we like sex, when we are stressed out.  All a guy need to to to get ready is think of his woman or any movie star naked.  20 mins of thinking about sex, or watching porn, and we men can get off and we lose our stress. and take a cap nap.  Women I am told they need to relax, and need a cap nap, before they can be in the mood for sex. Besides getting help from husband.  And your husband,  either dealing with once in a while going without sex, or masturbating.  You could hire a person to give you a break, once or twice a week.  Go out with the girls, go to a museum, or take a nap.  I think just knowing, your husband understands, you might not be in the mood and he is OK with that, can take a lot of stress off you.  Having him take on some of the work at home and with kids will not only help you rest or not over worked, but also shows you are not alone doing all the work raising your kids, might help you get in the mood, sometimes.  Most good men, want a happy wife.  And might not see, how neglectful they have been working too mush.  Pointing it out, will make him want to make amends, and back off a bit in asking for sex.  

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  • Ocimom
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    There is other ways to keep you husband satisfied beside intercourse.  If you don't he is likely to seek someone that will give him what he needs.

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  • 2 months ago

    Hon--We need to Talk---With two kids & doing everything around the house it's getting so I'm Too wore out for sex-- How be You Help with the kids & housework so I can be somewhat Rested for sex? What do you think?

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  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    slam the door in his love joy !!!!

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  • 2 months ago

    It's interesting that your husband is so selfish, he doesn't realize that having two small children is exhausting and that you need your rest. You don't HAVE TO have sex with anyone if you don't want to.

    Your husband isn't going to die. There's always porn

  • 2 months ago

    Oh he understands you...

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  • Dj2541
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    You need  to  introduce a reward  system.

    You say  to  your  husband:

    If  you  vacuum  the  house and help  me  clean the  kitchen  I  will  blow  you  in the  garage.

    If  you  help  me  Vacuum the  house  clean the  Kitchen  and  help  me  clean the  Bathrooms  I  will happily  do  you  doggie  in the  front  bedroom.

    And  so it  goes?? Men  are  very  simple  creatures  when it  comes  to  sex, control  and  reward?

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  • 2 months ago

    Ask him to help with the housework, so you aren't so tired. If he doesn't get sex from you, he'll get it somewhere else. 

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