What did I do to myself?
I think about traumatic things that happened to me for years. I don't let it go. I don't think I should. Or I'm accepting that it's okay it happened to me. It makes me angry, sad, resentful. It makes me want to kill myself. I daydream about violence, bullying, abuse, rape, racism, sexism, robbery. It's all on a never ending loop in my head everyday all day. I think everybody hates me and is out to get me. I've been thinking like this for years. The thoughts won't go away. My brain won't go back to functioning normal. I'm trying to train my brain to go back to functioning normal but it won't. I haven't left the house in years. I'm scared to leave the house now. I'm scared I might embarass myself, everyone will stare at me, go crazy, or get in trouble for staring at someone.