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Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 2 months ago

Husband mean to step son?

I have a 4 almost 5 year old. My husband is very strict with my son and nags him about everything he does.He doesn't like my son around us and sends him to his room. Everytime my toddler wants affection and kisses or hugs me he gets Jealous of my baby. I have spoken to him and honestly he acts like a child arguing with a 4 year old. I don't know what to do. We are expecting our first baby and he wasn't always like this. I feel blindsided and trapped.

Update:

For the Jerk calling me a bad mom first you don't know me. Second I was single for 4 years raising my son on my own. I didn't date and the second man I have had sex with is now my husband. My sons father was abusive my husband is not. He is a great provider for us. Even given the fact that my son is not his he takes care of him. Also my son is difficult he was going to get kicked out of pre school difficult. So I allow him to discipline him. But since I do now he does it so much.

Update 2:

Its not easy raising a kid like my son. Many people would give up and my son is so hard to deal with. But I do it because I love him and he's my son. My husband also never told my son anything until I let him. But my husband is a grown man and its crazy how much he argues with my son but maybe its because I'm use to my sons behavior I let it go

7 Answers

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  • 2 months ago

    It could be that you just are very feminine and permissive and bothered by normal discipline. It's also the fact that they are not biological son and dad.

    All you can do is talk to your husband openly and face your concerns. Tell him your son is a little boy and it isn't his fault he got an abusive father and then you had to raise him alone. Your son is difficult now cos he was raised by a woman with no proper male role model. I know I'm honest enough to admit I'd raise difficult kids on my own. 

    Tell the husband you love him and appreciate that he is parenting your child but that you are concerned that he is very strict.

    It's the mum's job to make sure the dad doesn't goes overboard anyway, just like it's the dad's job to make sure they don't raise demons from hell in a female too permissive way.

    Things are a bit complicated by the step parent step kid moment but not impossible to deal with in a healthy way.

    Don't take your son's side in front of him, talk to your husband in private and voice your concerns and worries.

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  • 2 months ago

    At first I was thinking, dam girl you made a mistake, but later with the updates I understood more, keep talking to him, thank him for disciplining but to lower it a bit. 

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  • 2 months ago

    Wow.

    You got married to a man that hates your child? How stupid are you? In what world did you think this would go well?

    Obviously you're going to need to have a talk with your husband about how he's treating YOUR child. 

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  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    Sorry to be blunt, but you are a terrible mom.  Why did you marry someone who treats your child like crap?  How can a mother sit there and watch some jackass send a little kid away from his mom to his room?  Do you understand you have probably already permanently damaged him?  He's starting to build anger at this jerk you married and that anger will turn into rage when he's a teen.  Nice work, mom.  And then, naturally, you're bringing another kid into this mess. 

    When you say he wasn't always like this, that is pure nonsense.  A good man and a good father doesn't morph into a complete jerk.  You just moved too fast before you got to know him.

    The obvious answer is put your child first for a change, and get rid of this loser.  You won't do that, though.  Poor kid. 

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  • Ana
    Lv 6
    2 months ago

    Sir him down and look him in the eye in a way that shows you mean business.

    Calmly and authoritatively, tell him that his behavior is abusive, evil, and it’s being done to a defenseless child. Tell him that the very next time he does it, you’ll get a divorce and a restraining order and he’ll be owing child support each month for yalls baby that he will be lucky to see once a week- plus he’ll be paying for the therapy for your kid until he’s 18, after your lawyer is done with him. Tell him that doing that again is NOT in his best interest. 

    Then tell him Option B is that he shapes up IMMEDIATELY, recognizes his problem, realizes he has a weird, antisocial instinct going on here, and that he agrees to go to couples counseling with you, starting THIS WEEK. You will schedule the meeting, and he will go. If he doesn’t go, you file divorce and restraining order the very next morning.

    Tell him if he successfully does option B and treats your child just as well as he treats yalls child once it’s born, that you’ll forgive him. But you won’t forget. And you won’t allow it to happen in the future. Tell him if it happens like once a year or something, yeah, you get people make mistakes and you’ll be reasonable. But let him know if this is a clear continuing pattern, you can’t and won’t allow that for your child as it’ll harm your child 

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  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    You are ALLOWING him to browbeat your child. This is your fault as much as it is his. If he will agree to begin family counseling immediately, go for it. If he won't agree to counseling, get a lawyer now and take action to protect yourself as you seek a divorce to protect your child.

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  • 2 months ago

    Why on earth would you allow him to behave this way? YOU are responsible for your child's welfare, so why do you let someone else threaten and undermine his happiness? You must seriously fear for the child you are carrying - to the extent that a separation might be the best thing for your children. Make him read some parenting books! Especially perhaps “How to Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk” by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. 

    Good Luck!

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