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Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 2 months ago

My boyfriend said he was going to get me a promise ring (to get me back) and then backed out of it. Read for details.?

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 yrs (Im 21- he’s 23) and living together for over a year. Several months back, he was struggling with alcoholism and he broke up with me; and kicked me out. This was the second time it happened. This time, it look me longer to come back. I wanted to take my time, but he was real convincing. He told me he that he was going sober and wanted me back no matter what and he was going to get me a promise ring. I came back, he’s been sober for 6 months & for the most part our relationship has been great. Recently 

it’s been rough though. After two months of me being back, I brought up (very subtly) that I still didn’t have the ring. Now it’s important to not; I had never said anything about a promise ring before. It was 100% his idea. He told me “I just forgot, there’s a lot going on at work and with college” I am still getting you one” I let it slide. 4 months pass; no ring. Then I was mad. He told me he wasn’t ready for marriage or that type of commitment! I told him I understood because I never said I wanted to get married right now! I thought the ring was a promise for a better future together. A promise that I was the one he wanted and that we were going to work things through. We live together, we have a dog. We are committed. Why is he acting so strange about this? I never put pressure on him about marriage expect asking if I could possibly be the one he could marry. I’ve never asked for an engagement ring or date, or anything. 

Update:

I’m just confused because I always left the flow of the relationship up to him. He got my hopes up. And now I’m sad he lied to me to get me back. I have anger I’m holding onto about the situation. And I’m so ready to let go of it. But after two years with someone— them being my world.. how can I not be upset about what he did?! 

7 Answers

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  • 2 months ago

    I do not think you and your boyfriend are on the same page. Your relationship has been through break ups and make ups, with substance abuse. That is a lot of drama and baggage. 

    Your hopes are high for a promise ring. A promise for what? These rings are typical of high school students, not young adults who are living together. Stop putting so much emphasis on a non existent ring. Realize that he smooth talked you and also forgive yourself for falling for his lure to get you back. 

    Sometimes when one makes a relationship their whole world, they are blindsided. So keep yourself following your own path as you may be walking it alone  ease this guy you are with, if you would be totally honest with yourself, is not the man for you. Otherwise, you both would not have broken up twice and now you are not happy with broken promises. Wake up. 

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  • Edna
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    All this drama and heartache over a promise ring - a ring that means virtually nothing. If you feel you MUST have a promise ring on your finger, ask him if you can borrow his credit card, and go buy a cheap one yourself.

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  • 2 months ago

    Do you want to spend the rest of your life going through this crap?? If not stay AWAY from him. Far away from him!

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  • Linda
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    I think I know why you haven't gotten your promise ring, and don't count on him putting one on your finger anytime soon. He has already kicked you out of his place twice. What guy who truly loves his girlfriend would do that? He promised you a ring only to get you to come back because he missed you. Now that he has you back, he doesn't feel like he has to keep his promise. In my opinion, that is 3 strikes against him. You deserve better. Ask him one more time to get you a promise ring and if he says no, as soon as your lease is up, move out. He isn't trustworthy and you cannot bank your future on someone like that. I think you should move on and look for someone who can commit to you. I don't buy his excuses. Good luck!!

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  • 2 months ago

    A promise ring is for silly kids who don't know better. You are adults who are living together.

    You live together and, from what I can gather, he's making at least some effort to get his life back together. Stop fussing over a piece of jewelry that means nothing. His actions, not the ring, are what matters.

    ETA:

    By the way...I do agree with Linda that kicking you out twice is not something a normal, loving boyfriend would do. If he was deep into his alcoholism and not getting treated I do understand it could be coming from a dark place but it's no excuse for kicking out your girlfriend.

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    • Whatever
      Lv 7
      2 months agoReport

      No, not really. It's a stupid ring. He could apologize for it, but she also needs to grow up and let it go.

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  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    I would drop him in a skinny minute. You don't have to live that way. Eventually

    that love will turn into hate. Take it from someone that knows.

    • Linda
      Lv 7
      2 months agoReport

      I agree

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  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    He is cheating on you for sure.

    • Linda
      Lv 7
      2 months agoReport

      He isn't cheating but she can do better

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