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Anonymous
Anonymous asked in HealthMental Health · 2 months ago

How do I stop feeling and being intimidated? People bully me easily and I'm a grown woman. My step mum...?

I don't want to reveal my age but because I'm old it's embarrassing but for circumstances out of my control I stay with my dad and step mum.

My mum abandoned me and my dad remarried when I was 15. I used to stay with my aunt and cousins before this.

However my aunt looked after her daughters and taught them how to cook and made sure they got married etc and protected them and I was just left as this other child who wasn't worthwhile.

I thought my dad remarrying would make things better for me but my step mum also never taught me basic skills etc in the kitchen. She mostly refused to cook because she was lazy too. 

I always had a fear of going into the kitchen and cooking meals because it's 'her kitchen' and she is the woman of the house. I once tried taking out expired goods which was in the cupboard for too long and she threw a fuss. So I didn't venture in the kitchen.

Anyways so I didn't feel I had a space of my own and I wanted my own place but I couldn't get it. 

We are in lockdown now because of Corona and there's no take outs so we have to cook. And I don't mind cooking for everyone and trying recipes out but she wants only her recipes basically. I accepted this and she provides supervision because she is forced to now although if I had the recipe written down I would manage on my own.

Anyways I tried making this one side dish according to this women who has a nice cookbook out. My step mum couldnt be bothered. 

Update:

I still continued because I wanted my dad to have a good meal at home and the recipe called for 1/4 cup of mint leaves.

She told me not to put alot of mint leaves I said okay. But I was trying to follow the recipe so when I came from the garden I took a little less then a quater cup.

She told me not to use all of them because I'm not making alot of food but I was following a recipe so I told her that the quantities for the recipe is a quater cup and I'm trying the ladies recipe out.

Update 2:

She just snickered and said okay and I recall her trying to swerve me to not to use it because she probably wants to use it for other things and scared to run out ( lord knows what because she doesn't cook or maybe she's possessive over it)

But now I'm scared to do my own recipes and things because she might fight or become hostile and territorial

Update 3:

Whenever I wanted to try things in the past or be independent people snicker or belittle my efforts. And I always give in because I'm scared

Update 4:

But its working against me because clearly they know what they doing and they aren't seeing things from my perspective.

If they did they would know encouraging me is best for my wellbeing...and I will take care of them if I get that

7 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    So do something about it. Take a cooking class, buy magazines geared toward cooking, watch the Food Network or better yet, move out.

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  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    Go up to them and punch them in the face as hard as you can, even if they're as big as the hulk, just SMACK them in the face!

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  • 2 months ago

    Your whole family has narcissism. Become an expert about narcissism and codependency and you won't be bullied as much or maybe never again. There's thousands of videos on YouTube.

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  • 2 months ago

    Learn to fight from a martial arts gym. Itll build your confidence in confrontations even if the confrontation isn't physical

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  • 2 months ago

    maybe you should move out

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  • 2 months ago

    Your problem as an adult is that you have never learned how to assert yourself to others and this is a life skills that ALL adolescents learn before they become adults.  The ability to assert ourselves give us the ability to get a job, work and think independently and become self-reliant, independent and responsible. 

    And so I urge you to go online and find websites that teach healthy assertiveness skills.  Your public library has books on this subject, too.

    And remember that at this time, NO ONE is going to the grocery store if they can help it because of the virus.  And so food is scarce and precious.  If your new recipe comes out wrong, then it's food wasted.

    BOTTOM LINE:  No one is coming to take care of you in this life.  

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  • Rick
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    It's a tough situation to be in because it's her kitchen and her territory.  But it's okay for you to have your opinions and ideas and cook however you want.  

    I'm not a professional but you'd benefit from assertiveness training.  You'll learn that you don't need other's approval and it's okay and healthy for you to feel more confident around others.

    You can do this.  I know because my mother was very critical and beat the heck out of my self-esteem but I've reclaimed it.  Therapy with a good psychologist made a huge difference and it can for you too.

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