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Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 2 months ago

How do I stop blaming myself for my parents divorce.?

My Mom told me growing up that my Dad left us. I feel guilt that I was not good enough for him to stay. I see now my Mom was venting and should have said "left me but loves you". However, the belief he rejected me is ingrained in my brain. On top of this I learned as an adult my Mom actually left him and put up roadblocks for him to see me. Thus, I was disloyal to him by going along with my Mom. She had given him an ultimatum and when he did not meet it she left. When she said he left "us" she meant he "hadn't met her ultimatum". In her defense he was an alcoholic.

So how do I stop blaming myself for all this? I am an adult in my late 30's who still blames myself for my parents 1991 divorce and my disloyalty to my Dad after since I believed my Mom's words that he didn't want a relationship with us. Thus I felt rejected and still do.

My Dad died in 1999 of Cirrhosis from the alcoholism.

3 Answers

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  • Josa
    Lv 6
    2 months ago
    Favorite Answer

    How sad!!  What your mom or your dad did is not your fault.  It was their thing.  Your mom was totally wrong!  Shame on her!  However, a lot of parents who divorce and act like that use the kids as a way of getting back on their partner.  Your Dad knew what she was doing.  SO, don't think he didn't love you but, what he had to go through with her to see you may have been to huge a hurdle to overcome.  Vengeance is an ugly thing. You were a child and certainly believed your mom.  He knew what she was like.

    • Josa
      Lv 6
      2 months agoReport

      thank you

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  • 2 months ago

    You need therapy or counselling

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  • 2 months ago

    Blame is not a profitable way to think.  It is only relevant if it can prevent a similar situation from happening in the future.  If you can see things that YOU could have done differently then learn from that.  Otherwise you should not blame your dad, your mum or yourself.  It happened the end.

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