How do I get over my fears of being used by my parents as pawns against their enemies or conflict with them when I refuse to be used?
Right now there is an aunt that is coming back into the family. My Dad had used me for a number of years against her but she is softening and returning to the clan. Meanwhile an uncle is getting divorced after 30 some years of marriage and his ex is now an enemy of my parents. As a result when their children have celebrations my parents will not inform me to keep me away from the ex-wife. Also, if I do end up going they will get mad as it will mean me being nice to this enemy of theirs.
Many other scenarios like this I get used at. As a kid I was used by my mother as a weapon against her father who had alcoholism. I still carry the scars of my mother using me in that dispute.
So how do I get over the fear of them using me and how do I respond when they do try to use me this summer against uncle's ex-wife? I am going to the events for the kids, adult children of his, not for the ex-wife though I have no ill will for her. How do I respond when future ones come up? My Mom had a cousin who had an affair and for a time she was furious with me for seeing this cousin, now my Mom is nice to the cousin and has moved on from her anger and thus is not mad at me for seeing her anymore. Yet, the cousin has not changed one bit. So it is obvious to me that I am being used and not in danger around these people. I was allowed around a convicted rapist (uncle's brother-in-law) as a kid but not my own grandfather who drank too much (later recovered and got really close to us).
- Anonymous3 months agoFavorite Answer
Wow! That’s way too much drama.
Best advice to you is to stay home and stay away from these people ...seriously!!!
- Alan HLv 73 months ago
You do not need to get too involved
You are not a puppet. You can only be used if you so choose.
Let the level of contact be at your choice.
- Serene ELv 73 months ago
Your parents are mean, cruel, divisive and childish.
Refuse to get in the middle, refuse to participate.
- PearlLv 73 months ago
i would just go wherever you want and if your parents dont like it thats their problem
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- FoofaLv 73 months ago
You get into therapy like any child of a dysfunctional family must in order to live a normal life.