Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 8 months ago

My boyfriends ex and I are a lot alike and it’s messing with my confidence, how do I get over this?

 The other night my boyfriend made a comment about how extremely similar his ex and I are. It’s been stuck in my head for awhile now. Awhile ago we hung out with her on because she randomly asked him too. That day she brought up a lot memories between them that are very similar to his and mine. I was upset then but i figured that it’s just how he builds relationships. Her and i were following each other on social media casually and i used to see her following the pages and photos i liked of different artists, music, and some niche things. It bothered me but i let it go because people can like things too right? But, I shamefully looked at her profile and realised that were so similar that we even clothing items that are exactly the same. (I unfollowed her from everything after that) We also look alike too. I feel like it sounds like im grasping for straws but the resemblance is uncanny. I even showed a close friend who agreed that we could pass for sisters. Does anyone have tips for getting past this? It’s messing with my confidence and making me insercure. Im scared to bring it up to my boyfriend because it pointless and i feel like a crazy person. This is so embarrassing honestly. 

4 Answers

  • Anonymous
    8 months ago
    Favorite Answer

    Even though you two seem alike, there are differences between you both. The most important thing is for you to keep being yourself and not focus on being a replica of his ex. Superficial similarities such as being into similar artiest, music etc do not mean that you are the same as his ex. The fact that your personality is different and that interact with him and understand him in a unique way differentiates you emotionally from his ex. That is far more meaningful and more relevant to your relationship than things like music interests or artists etc. In short, don't let this both you. You are your own person and not his ex. If your boyfriend didn't like you or want to be his ex then he wouldn't have broken up with her. I really hope this helps :)

  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    8 months ago

    People have types and according to sociologists there are only really about of handful of different "kinds" of people in the world. So if she's his "type" and you're his "type" you probably are rather similar. If you need to be completely and totally unique to the guy you're dating you'll probably have to move to a very foreign culture where everything about you would be strange.

  • Anonymous
    8 months ago

    Some people have a "type".  They are automatically attracted to a certain kind of person.  This would mean that it is no accident that you have so much in common with his X because he may be the kind of person who becomes attracted to the same type over and over again.

    The bigger issue and the bigger concern would be WHY he broke up with his X and who made the first move in the break up.  If she broke up with him - then he may be attracted to you just because you do remind him of her and not because he has a type.  If he broke up with her, then why did he start dating the same type again.

    You do need to be cautious in this relationship because it is hard to tell if he does actually like you or if you are just a substitute for what he lost.

    It is also strange when the X is still part of the relationship and hangs out with the guy and new girlfriend.  That is also a HUGE red flag on this relationship.

    Be careful.  I suspect this won't last.  

  • Anonymous
    8 months ago

    He's attracted to women that remind him of a younger version of the first older woman that seduced him.

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