My sister and BIL live beyond their means and use my parents' income as an extension of their own. Advice?

I don't care about this to a degree. However, recently I asked my BIL to wait on a payment from my parents until they received an incoming payment. Now he's not responding to friendly texts. My sister and BIL aren't otherwise bad people but they seem incapable of reigning in their spending and I'm concerned that they'll just drain my parents until there's nothing left. Example: they go on extravagent vacations with their kids (NYC with Broadway musicals every night, flying to LA for awards shows, etc.)  and then say they can't afford to visit my parents for Christmas. On the one hand, I don't want drama. On the other hand, they don't seem capable of stopping or even slowing down. I guess I see a looming financial crisis. My codependent mother never says no to a financial request even if it means putting herself into debt. What should I do? Should I just let the whole lot of them dig their own graves and when my parents are bankrupt and need help say, "So sorry." And if I admit it, I do feel resentment since I'm the one who actually takes care of my parents while my sister and BIL seem to receive most of the money.  

So I guess I have worry and resentment both, plus not wanting conflict with my sister whom I care about. Sincere advice please.

7 Answers

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  • 4 months ago
    Favorite Answer

    How about you asking them for money and investing it? That way they could have something to fall back on in an emergency - and/or you can inherit what "should" be yours eventually. Perhaps you can have a talk with them, and include the fact that although they are not obliged to leave either of you anything, at least there will be some parity should they leave you what they have. Good Luck!

    • washDC123454 months agoReport

      Thank you. I'll try that. {{hugs}}

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  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    4 months ago

    I'd book a phone call with them to explain your parents' finances to them since you're the one closest to the situation. Just tell them that they're making it to where your parents will be destitute and homeless if they don't rein in their spending. Also make it clear that should that happen you'll expect them to open their doors to your parents and become their caretakers.

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  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    4 months ago

    i would let your parents deal with it

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  • 4 months ago

    You back off and let your mom and sister and BIL deal with this on their own as it really doesn't involve you. The only reason I could see that you would need to get involved is if your mom is providing them so much money that she is unable to tend to her own needs and/or if mom receives benefits (like social security) and sister and BIL are stealing those benefits. So, if mom is fine, has a place to live, can feed and clothe herself, has the utilities on, etc, butt out.

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  • 4 months ago

    Tell your parents to stop giving them money, they are only enabling.  If they don't want to, then it is out of your hands and leave it at that.  

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  • 4 months ago

    This isn't your business or problem. Your parents are adults and can choose to say no to your sister and BIL any time they wish. If an ever they do, that is when they will have to cope with less income.

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  • audrey
    Lv 7
    4 months ago

    You are enabling them by giving your parents money while your patents are giving their money to them. STOP! Keep all your money in your own pocket!.

    • washDC123454 months agoReport

      Yeah, I guess that's the first step.

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