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Vanessa asked in HealthMental Health · 3 months ago

Unsure where my 7 year relationship stands?

There are some days where I am unsure where my 7 year relationship stands. Here is a break down.

My fiancé who I am currently in a 7 year relationship with are sometimes uncertain with me.

To sum things up when we first started dating he had a decent job for 7 years and was with that job 2 years of our relationship. He eventually quit due to severe stress.

Was out of work for 1 1/2 years and everything financially was on me for our dining, his habits of cigs, drinking, and weed but luckily we lived with our parents.

Then he was worked for a gas station store grave yards for 1 1/2 years but again due to the stress of being alone in a bad neighborhood. He started to stress and developed a really bad drinking problem. 

He quit eventually and we had being living on our own then.

I was stuck with our car payment, rent and other house bills. He was unemployed for 3 months and stopped drinking and got a better gas station job.

He worked there for about a year or so before he start having health issues again due to him drinking.  I agreed to put his health first until he gets better.

He has been unemployed for 2 years this April and I fit all the bills. He still drinks and smokes. He vomits often. We were told he has gastritis or pancreatitis. 

Some days I feel I could do better then I don’t. He is a sweet guy. He respects me but just seems to struggle with depression and etc which is why he drinks and smokes. Idk because his health is getting worse and I want kids soon.

5 Answers

  • 3 months ago
    Favorite Answer

    I have read your post with a lot of interest.

    If you have lived 7 years with this man who doesn't seem to get his act together, go to alcohol and drug rehab and meetings, go to a junior college or city college to get better job skills, sits around the house drunk, stoned and doing nothing to help himself, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THE NEXT 7 YEARS WILL BE ANY BETTER OR DIFFERENT?

    And as a woman, you need to think carefully of the damage that is being done to his body and the health of his sperm when thinking about having children.  Because alcoholism severely effects the health of men's sperm.  I would hate to see you saddled with a disabled child and him also.

    And so if I were in your shoes, I would insist on the following:

    1)  He starts attending Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous and get sponsors to help him stop using and drinking.  this is not negotiable.  He WILL ATTEND EVERY MEETING without fail. 

    2)  He will go to his local city college or junior college and talk to the people in admissions about a 6 month or 2 year program to gain job skills that will certify that he has the skills to support a family in future.  they will help him with job placement, too. 

    3)  Either he gets off his butt and is into this COMPLETELY within 6 weeks or you will move on.  Keep his friendship but move to your own place and move on.  Because he will CHOOSE to be unemployed and drunk forever.

    PS:  He can find the phone numbers for Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous in his phone book.  Call them and they will tell him where and when the public meetings are....and he goes.

    I think you are wonderful to take care of his heath but he is MAKING HIMSELF SICK AND THUS USING YOU as his meal ticket.  Please stop enabling him.

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  • LAN
    Lv 7
    3 months ago

    Let me guess, you think your love is all he needs to change?   If it hasn't done any good yet it won't going forward either.  At least post about your flawed relationship in the right category.

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  • Eva
    Lv 7
    3 months ago

    Do you want to be the single parent of 2 kids? Because that is what you will be. You will be taking care of him, your child, and footing all the bills. He hasn't learned to handle his stress in healthy ways and it's taken it's toll on him. He apparently hasn't taken any steps to relieve his stress other than self-medicating. Why should he when you provide his every need and he doesn't need to contribute? The best thing you could do is end this relationship before he drags you all the way down with him.

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  • 3 months ago

    maybe you need to ask her this question

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  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    3 months ago

    maybe you need to ask him this question

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