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Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 1 month ago

Is this controlling behaviour (boyfriend)?

Currently I am in a long distance relationship with a guy. He is 20, I am turning 19. We haven’t met before and might not for a year or two, if we even last. We have been together just 3 months, with so so many arguments. 

For background info: neither of us have cheated on each other or shown disloyalty. He was however cheated on and hurt badly in a relationship over a year ago with a girl irl.  There are several controlling problems in our relationship, but one that stands out to me is this: he demands to know every guy my age whom I talk to. Most of the time he asks for regular updates, such as when we last talked, about what, screenshots if I can send them, who messaged first etc. of course nothing ever comes out of it as I’m not interested in anyone else. If I were to ever refuse sending a screenshot about something as trivial as that I left a boy on read, he will assume I didn’t and am still chatting to him. But he always assumes if I do not tell him about a guy immediately, I am hiding things, secretly catching feelings, etc any absurd accusation and he gives the whole tantrum about blocking me and leaving me bc he can’t deal with secrets which involve not knowing about every adult male who interacts with me. I understand he has trust issues, but is this behaviour justified? Or is this actual controlling behaviour? I have proven to him so many times that I am loyal and I love only him but it doesn’t seem to mean anything. 

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    So many red flags, and nothing can really justify this behavior. I understand that he was greatly affected by being cheated on but this behavior is just too extreme. It might not be a great idea to stay with him as there are too many red flags with him unless this is how you want to live. It's better to block him and forget him. He hasn't even met you and this is the way he treats you? Unacceptable. 

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  • 1 month ago

    You're not thinking clearly. The BIGGEST RED FLAG was how he was cheated on badly by some girl. Who cares? Why did he whine and moan about that to you? Is he some sort of sissy? He lives in the past, not right now. Right now, no one is cheating on him that we know of. That's ridiculous. Maybe he can learn to live RIGHT NOW and not in the past. I'm sure you haven't had perfect relationships all your life, either. But he's caused you to feel all sorry for hisDumbAss.

    It's none of his damned business who you talk with and who your friends are.

    Yes it's controlling behavior. Why the hell would you ever want to meet him? I wouldn't.

    You're wasting your precious time. LDRs are a trip down a one-way street straight into a brick wall almost 100% of the time. And he's raising his red flags already. You can't love someone you never met - it's impossible. You don't even know if you're vaguely attracted to him, because true and real attraction only happens in person. Never over the internet. Never.

    Aren't there any males in your community? I bet there are

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  • Eva
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Why would you put up with such behavior from someone you haven't even met? He has a real problem with jealousy and control. Sending screenshots of your conversations? He has no right to demand such a thing. Dump him now before he becomes even more obsessive than he already is.

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  • 1 month ago

    It's controlling AND emotionally abusive. Do yourself a huge favor and block this guy anywhere and everywhere. You don't deserve to be treated like this.

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