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Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 1 month ago

Am I a heartless person for cutting my parents out of my life?

My parents were heavily abusive to me growing up. Physical, emotional, daily criticism, name calling. I would get weekly beatings even if I did nothing wrong. My mom had severe anger issues and would take it out on me. If she had a bad day at work I d get a beating. My dad was an alcoholic and wanted nothing to do with me. We would literally go months without speaking to each other as he acted like I didn t even exist. You get the idea, they were awful.

Ever since I moved and broke free from them 6 years ago I stopped talking to them. They don t know where I live, where I work, I blocked their phone numbers. To be honest if they died today it wouldn t affect me in any way. I d keep living my life. I know others who have abusive parents. Some worse than mine but they still have a relationship with their parents and will always be in their lives no matter what. They say it's because they're family. This makes me feel like I'm a heartless cold person. Am I in the wrong?

19 Answers

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  • 1 month ago

    Yes. My 85-year-old dad is an alcoholic and has always been emotionally abusive towards me, even as he knows I have bipolar disorder. In fact, he is asleep drunk even as I write this. Yet he is my father, and if I do not show him a modicum of respect whilst he is still alive, I know that after he passes I will be eternally sorrowful.

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  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    i dont think so

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  • 1 month ago

    Sorry to hear that you had to deal with such abuse as a child. I am assuming you're and adult now....if you would like to have a healthy relationship with your parents, suggest family therapy because you only get 1 set of parents and that relationship is worth saving and forgiving. 

    If they aren't interested in going to see a therapist then cut their asses off and go on with your life in a different direction without them. Send them a post card to say hello. 

    Make 1 call per year. 

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    No.  You're not wrong.  I have had to tell some of my family they are no longer welcome in my life.  I officially became estranged from them but I ended up homeless one time and contacted them for help and they took me in to their home.  I'm living with them now trying to figure out how to get back on my feet.  I had to swallow my pride and accept help from the people who wronged me but of course it comes at a price it always does.

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  • 1 month ago

    I don't see why you' feel like a heartless, cold person. What you're doing is all about self-preservation and i understand it well, because i severed my relationship with my father 30 years ago, and never looked back. The weight of the world was lifted from my shoulders. He did die, i wasn't impacted and didn't really care because i can't miss someone who never treated me like a human being.

    I did go to therapy for a while to get things right in my mind and i did learn a lot about my father -- first, he had mental illness issues and an alcohol addiction. His anger and terrible behavior was the result of these things. But it wasn't my fault, i didn't do anything wrong or anything to him. That's one thing i did learn. And i also learned i have to take care of ME and take it easy on myself.

    Just because our parents are related to us and family, it doesn't mean we have to associate with them. Why would anyone want to be around people who are cruel and toxic?

    Take care of YOU and do what is in your absolute best interest all of the time. Hell no, you're not wrong.

    Since you're feeling down on yourself, it might be a good idea to speak with a therapist to get everything straightened out in your mind and to fix your emotional life. You deserve good things and good help, too

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    I'm an adult but, I'm in a similar situation people often judge the child because they don't know the full story and it only gets worse as the parent gets more elderly because people assume elderly parents to be innocent. The older your parents get the more people judge you because they just assumed that elderly parents are innocent. and sometimes the elderly parent plays into it like my my mother plays into other people's assumptions to gain sympathy and to make me look as this as though I'm the bad guy.

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Criticizing, scolding is okay but showing your anger on others is not a good thing. 

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  • 1 month ago

    Your concern for being heartless is another reflection of abuse. You are not wrong forputting your needs first and if putting your needs first means cutting toxic people out of your life, congratulations..you have done what some never can. Truly be proud of yourself

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  • 1 month ago

    No. Same here. I haven’t talk to the old man in more than 20 years and let’s just say that it’s for the best. 

    He’s disabled, living in a senior home. Some relatives probably think we’re heartless for not visiting him but I could care less what they think. They don’t know what it’s like to live with him. He was extremely abusive, mentally and physically. He gets a rush out of beating his kids or abusing them with words. The decades of abuse takes its toll.  It’s going to be a cold day in hell before I go back and relive those decades of abuse. 

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    I feel occasional pity for my mother, but not anything else. I have trouble understanding why any abused children stay in contact with their parents after leaving the nest.

    I imagine that they might be more emotional and less logical, though.

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