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Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Arts & HumanitiesPoetry · 1 month ago

Help me with my poem please?

The spirit of offence, oh how it burdens me,

Why must I take it so damn personally,

The spirit of offence, oh how its hurting me,

As I speak I eat my words so regurgitatingly

The spirit of offence, why must it worry me,

The spirit of offence, oh how its words cut me so surgically

The spirit of offence, cuts deeper than liturgy

The spirit of offence, withering in the wind.

I shreik, I moan,

I peek, I groan,

I seek, I'm shown,

I believe, I'm alone

But I am not.

The spirit of offence, it follows me.

It lingers on my every move.The spirit of offence, is stalking me,

It will never let me be alone.

Update:

I should have you know, this poem is about feeling offended.

5 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago
    Favorite Answer

    It's okay.  I'm not sure how one eats "regurgitatingly" because regurgitating is the exact opposite of eating.  It's like saying, I walked standingly.  It's gibberish.

    Also, your rhyme "liturgy" feels forced because it doesn't fit.  It's out of left field and isn't used exactly right.  The same goes for "peek."

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  • 1 month ago

    I did my thing in action......verb.....schoolhouse Rock the rest I not think much of.....no emotion but might be fix Ed if you wait on the passion.......right now I'm not writing or painting cause the passion past.

    .......and been replaced with helping others

  • Anon
    Lv 4
    1 month ago

    You didn’t say what help you need. 

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  • Yeah I got the the offended part

    Last line  1st stanza  suggestion

    And words I speak in haste come back haunting me

    you know you can be a victim or a victor  your choice

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  • ?
    Lv 6
    1 month ago

    What part of it? It doesn't seem to say anything and the rhythm is very hard to relate to.

    I also recommend taking note of rap music and how they use word choices from this century and if you're from the USA, then use spellings from the USA. Otherwise, that part's fine.

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